Well, the life and times of Swifty Morgan haven't changed too much. I haven't had any good work stories to blog about recently. I'll have to stir something up to make some new adventures.
Until then... adios!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
"That didn't go over as well as I thought it would"
I don't write this blog folks, it writes itself. That's right. I just transcribe actual events onto the internet:
The following took place this last Monday in my English class in college.
It was another somewhat entertaining day in English today as we were talking about ancient rhetorics and how they can be found in the writings of today. My teacher was busy using the overhead projector computer display to search for proverbs on the internet. Not proverbs like the book of proverbs in the Bible, you don't need to look for it, you should know where that is, in the Bible. Anyway, she was looking for those catchy little sayings like 'An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure', 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away' and so on and so forth. Well a kid in my class all of a sudden just jolted up and said "I HAVE A GOOD RELIGIOUS PROVERB! CAN I GOOGLE IT?!"....
This guy totally interrupted the teachers train of thought and took the entire class off guard.
"Well, um, ok, I guess so" said my teacher rather flustered.
By the time she got to the um the boy had already jumped from his seat and was a few strides away from the computer.
He quickly got to the google website and this is where things got interesting.
The kid clicked on google images. As most people know you NEVER do a LIVE google images search in front of a class. No matter what you type in there is always something awkward that will appear on screen and embarrass you. This kid didn't know that....
He typed in "Odin ice giant" into the search bar and clicked the search button with the same great enthusiasm that he started with.
This was the picture he clicked on:
A rather interesting proverb indeed. In case the link breaks with the picture the quote says 'Jesus promised the end of all wicked people. Odin promised the end of all ice giants. I don't see many ice giants around'
I have no idea how this is a proverb.
To make it better the kid turned and looked at the class with this huge "I AM AWESOME" grin.
Nobody said anything or laughed at all.
Next he said "Well that didn't go over like I thought it would"
This statement got many more laughs than did his funny picture. I kinda felt bad for the kid but hey, this is college now, you can't do this kind of nonsense and expect people to always laugh to be nice.
The teacher continued by saying 'Well, um, cool" and then going back to her google search.
Just another day in Swifty Morgan's neighborhood.
The following took place this last Monday in my English class in college.
It was another somewhat entertaining day in English today as we were talking about ancient rhetorics and how they can be found in the writings of today. My teacher was busy using the overhead projector computer display to search for proverbs on the internet. Not proverbs like the book of proverbs in the Bible, you don't need to look for it, you should know where that is, in the Bible. Anyway, she was looking for those catchy little sayings like 'An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure', 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away' and so on and so forth. Well a kid in my class all of a sudden just jolted up and said "I HAVE A GOOD RELIGIOUS PROVERB! CAN I GOOGLE IT?!"....
This guy totally interrupted the teachers train of thought and took the entire class off guard.
"Well, um, ok, I guess so" said my teacher rather flustered.
By the time she got to the um the boy had already jumped from his seat and was a few strides away from the computer.
He quickly got to the google website and this is where things got interesting.
The kid clicked on google images. As most people know you NEVER do a LIVE google images search in front of a class. No matter what you type in there is always something awkward that will appear on screen and embarrass you. This kid didn't know that....
He typed in "Odin ice giant" into the search bar and clicked the search button with the same great enthusiasm that he started with.
This was the picture he clicked on:
I have no idea how this is a proverb.
To make it better the kid turned and looked at the class with this huge "I AM AWESOME" grin.
Nobody said anything or laughed at all.
Next he said "Well that didn't go over like I thought it would"
This statement got many more laughs than did his funny picture. I kinda felt bad for the kid but hey, this is college now, you can't do this kind of nonsense and expect people to always laugh to be nice.
The teacher continued by saying 'Well, um, cool" and then going back to her google search.
Just another day in Swifty Morgan's neighborhood.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Yes, it is okay to talk to girls.
Here in my dorm we have a tornado drill at the beginning of each semester. The noise is insanely loud and goes on and on for several minutes. Basically on my guys wing the 2 wings above us drop down into our hallway and sit in our hall. My guys get to chill in their bathrooms because the bathrooms are not on the exterior part of the building. The wing above us is girls and they come sit in the hallway during the drill. And after the tornado drill I had the funniest conversation with a student.
Me: Congrats, you guys survived the tornado, any questions about the procedures?
Student: "yeah, so we just go in the bathroom?"
Me: Yup you just go in the bathroom, it is great because it is probably quieter in the bathroom and also not as crowded as the hall way.
Student: Who comes to our wing anyway?
Me: A mix of seniors, both boys and girls.
Student: So senior girls come down here?
Me: Yes...
Student: So....
Me: Are you asking if it is okay for you to go outside and sit by the senior girls?
Student: I guess so.
Me: Yes, if you want to meet girls during a tornado be my guest.
Only time will tell if sitting by girls during tornado drills can get you a date.
Me: Congrats, you guys survived the tornado, any questions about the procedures?
Student: "yeah, so we just go in the bathroom?"
Me: Yup you just go in the bathroom, it is great because it is probably quieter in the bathroom and also not as crowded as the hall way.
Student: Who comes to our wing anyway?
Me: A mix of seniors, both boys and girls.
Student: So senior girls come down here?
Me: Yes...
Student: So....
Me: Are you asking if it is okay for you to go outside and sit by the senior girls?
Student: I guess so.
Me: Yes, if you want to meet girls during a tornado be my guest.
Only time will tell if sitting by girls during tornado drills can get you a date.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Work Orders
So I am back at work and all of my residents are moved in, that means lots of work orders to be turned in for things that don't work in their rooms.
Here is one work order I wrote up today:
Toilet in resident room has a low flow issue. Upon initiation of flush procedure by activation of toilet flush lever the toilet fails to dispense an appropriate amount of fluids to complete the flushing action. Current toilet status requires resident to flush multiple times in rapid succession to complete flushing process.
The form online said to be detailed and describe the problem. task completed.
Look forward to more updates.
Here is one work order I wrote up today:
Toilet in resident room has a low flow issue. Upon initiation of flush procedure by activation of toilet flush lever the toilet fails to dispense an appropriate amount of fluids to complete the flushing action. Current toilet status requires resident to flush multiple times in rapid succession to complete flushing process.
The form online said to be detailed and describe the problem. task completed.
Look forward to more updates.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
I'm BACK!
Swifty Morgan is BACK.
I just got back from nine weeks of boy scout camp out at hale scout reservation in Talihina Oklahoma.
These are a few of the great stories from this summer:
Werewolf Boy:
One week out at camp we sent a kid home because he thought he was a werewolf. That's right. A werewolf. This kid would run around and try to bite other campers and was constantly talking about the full moon. I do not know what would possess a twelve year old kid to honestly think he was a werewolf, but this kid did. The full moon happened to be the day after this kid got sent home. Maybe someone at camp was afraid something bad would happen on the full moon and this kid would go crazy. I really don't know how this kid survives but it will be funny someday when he is a parent and has kids and gets to explain that he got kicked out of boy scout camp for acting and honestly believing he was a werewolf. Come to think of it this will be a great story for his parents to tell his first girlfriend. Hopefully she finds it funny and embarrassing and is not into werewolves. On second thought, I hope this kid doesn't have kids. They might believe they are the loch ness monster or something absurd.
More to follow tomorrow!
I just got back from nine weeks of boy scout camp out at hale scout reservation in Talihina Oklahoma.
These are a few of the great stories from this summer:
Werewolf Boy:
One week out at camp we sent a kid home because he thought he was a werewolf. That's right. A werewolf. This kid would run around and try to bite other campers and was constantly talking about the full moon. I do not know what would possess a twelve year old kid to honestly think he was a werewolf, but this kid did. The full moon happened to be the day after this kid got sent home. Maybe someone at camp was afraid something bad would happen on the full moon and this kid would go crazy. I really don't know how this kid survives but it will be funny someday when he is a parent and has kids and gets to explain that he got kicked out of boy scout camp for acting and honestly believing he was a werewolf. Come to think of it this will be a great story for his parents to tell his first girlfriend. Hopefully she finds it funny and embarrassing and is not into werewolves. On second thought, I hope this kid doesn't have kids. They might believe they are the loch ness monster or something absurd.
More to follow tomorrow!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Some people pay a lot to look cool....
So today I was at the local Academy Sports and Outdoors retailer, you know... the one that has the right stuff at the right price?
I was here a few days ago to visit the fishing department and the storefront looked normal, upon my return today it looked like a bomb of Dallas Mavericks Championship gear exploded in the entrance. I could not believe how quickly companies had produced these apparel items. Then I realized that these were probably made BEFORE the Dallas Mavericks even won the series which would lead me to believe that sitting somewhere in a warehouse is a huge lot of Oklahoma City Thunder apparel. What is going to happen to these shirts and hats? Probably they will be donated or sold dirt cheap to the poor in foreign countries. I remember when I was in youth group and we used to go down to Mexico every year to build houses, (Back when people were not scared of drug lords and machine guns), I would always see people wearing lots of sports clothing for teams in the USA. I now believe that most of this is donated. Maybe all those children in Juarez really do love the Denver Broncos but my guess goes with the corporate donation.
I know when civilians donate items they get to deduct so much from their taxes... well I would bet that corporations that donate shirts and hats for teams that didn't perform get to donate those as well.
At academy a basic Mavericks t-shirt will run you about 20 dollars.... lets say that it cost 6 dollars to manufacture and ship that shirt in bulk.
The company has to pay for an OKC Thunder shirt to be made too so that bumps up production costs to 12 dollars a shirt.
That 12 dollar shirt now gets sold for 20 which puts 8 dollars in profit into the store and/or manufacturer.
But now the producer has a bunch of OKC Thunder shirts that are wrong... what to do?
I would guess that they donate these shirts, write them off at a cost of production value and deduct that from their taxes.
Lets say the deduction rate is a dollar deducted for a dollar donated.
Now they have earned 14 dollars per shirt based on the 6 dollar production cost making it worthwhile to print shirts for both outcomes because no matter who wins you will make the money of the lost shirts back.
Lesson learned? I need to get into the sports apparel business.
I was here a few days ago to visit the fishing department and the storefront looked normal, upon my return today it looked like a bomb of Dallas Mavericks Championship gear exploded in the entrance. I could not believe how quickly companies had produced these apparel items. Then I realized that these were probably made BEFORE the Dallas Mavericks even won the series which would lead me to believe that sitting somewhere in a warehouse is a huge lot of Oklahoma City Thunder apparel. What is going to happen to these shirts and hats? Probably they will be donated or sold dirt cheap to the poor in foreign countries. I remember when I was in youth group and we used to go down to Mexico every year to build houses, (Back when people were not scared of drug lords and machine guns), I would always see people wearing lots of sports clothing for teams in the USA. I now believe that most of this is donated. Maybe all those children in Juarez really do love the Denver Broncos but my guess goes with the corporate donation.
I know when civilians donate items they get to deduct so much from their taxes... well I would bet that corporations that donate shirts and hats for teams that didn't perform get to donate those as well.
At academy a basic Mavericks t-shirt will run you about 20 dollars.... lets say that it cost 6 dollars to manufacture and ship that shirt in bulk.
The company has to pay for an OKC Thunder shirt to be made too so that bumps up production costs to 12 dollars a shirt.
That 12 dollar shirt now gets sold for 20 which puts 8 dollars in profit into the store and/or manufacturer.
But now the producer has a bunch of OKC Thunder shirts that are wrong... what to do?
I would guess that they donate these shirts, write them off at a cost of production value and deduct that from their taxes.
Lets say the deduction rate is a dollar deducted for a dollar donated.
Now they have earned 14 dollars per shirt based on the 6 dollar production cost making it worthwhile to print shirts for both outcomes because no matter who wins you will make the money of the lost shirts back.
Lesson learned? I need to get into the sports apparel business.
Kayak + More!
Swifty Morgan became a seafaring captain yesterday.
I took two kayaks out to the lake yesterday evening. It was so much fun!
The super awesome girlfriend and I used to go to the lake all the time just to sit and watch the water. Last night we figured out the last time we went to go watch the water must have been about a year ago before I went to camp last summer. But the girlfriend and I had a great time just paddling around.
And if one of my coworkers is reading this: yesterday, I was captain of my ship.
Today I have a lot of cleaning and packing to do before I go to camp on Sunday.
-Swifty
I took two kayaks out to the lake yesterday evening. It was so much fun!
The super awesome girlfriend and I used to go to the lake all the time just to sit and watch the water. Last night we figured out the last time we went to go watch the water must have been about a year ago before I went to camp last summer. But the girlfriend and I had a great time just paddling around.
And if one of my coworkers is reading this: yesterday, I was captain of my ship.
Today I have a lot of cleaning and packing to do before I go to camp on Sunday.
-Swifty
Saturday, May 21, 2011
First Page of the Last Chapter
So Swifty Morgan is now a senior in college.
3 years down, 1 to go!
This new blogger format is driving me nuts, for some reason it doesn't like the enter button. oh well.
This summer I will be working at Camp Tom Hale. A Boy Scout camp. <--- That IS the real name. Now you know where Swifty Morgan will be. I will be working in scoutcraft somewhere and teaching merit badges. Access to a computer will be limited so blog posts will be saved and posted mostly on the weekends.
I depart for camp on the 29th and will spend 9 weeks in the wilderness. The wilderness is a great time to write, I really like it out there. The middle of the Ouachita national forest is a great place to relax and write.
My RA job is done for the spring and I can't wait to get back to it in the fall, I already miss COLLEGE TOWN and my RA coworkers.
-Swifty
3 years down, 1 to go!
This new blogger format is driving me nuts, for some reason it doesn't like the enter button. oh well.
This summer I will be working at Camp Tom Hale. A Boy Scout camp. <--- That IS the real name. Now you know where Swifty Morgan will be. I will be working in scoutcraft somewhere and teaching merit badges. Access to a computer will be limited so blog posts will be saved and posted mostly on the weekends.
I depart for camp on the 29th and will spend 9 weeks in the wilderness. The wilderness is a great time to write, I really like it out there. The middle of the Ouachita national forest is a great place to relax and write.
My RA job is done for the spring and I can't wait to get back to it in the fall, I already miss COLLEGE TOWN and my RA coworkers.
-Swifty
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Time to start turning off the machine.
Some say it takes a fully loaded freight train a real long time to come to a complete stop. Think about it, the average freight train (90-120 cars) takes 18 football fields to come to a complete stop under emergency conditions. Under non-emergency conditions it takes a LONG TIME. Well that is how work and school is going now. We are still chugging along but slowly deaccelerating. Each week the throttle gets pulled back just a little bit.
This week quiet hours were extended to all but 1 hour per day. Yup 23 hour a day quiet hours... anyone want to guess where else in the world this system of 23 hour restraint takes place?
That's right!
Super-Max Prisons.
Only in my dorm I don't force you to stay in a tiny cell all day and eat food loafs. And you can always go outside for some rec time and take as many showers as you want.
Sounds like you're living the dream!
One other thing I do not think my students truly appreciate is a clean room. Many of them (despite my urgings) are waiting until the last day possible to clean their rooms.
Can it be done? Yes, Yes it can.
Can it be done in under an hour? Not to my standards!
If I check them out and the room is randomly selected to be checked for cleanliness AND part of it that I signed off on is dirty, guess who gets to go clean it? That's right! Swifty gets to put on the gloves and trade his gun for a bottle of 409 or Windex.
I have three more exams before I am done with school for my Junior year of college.
Thursday:
Honors Environmental Science
Correctional Systems
Friday:
Criminal Law
Lots of reading to do for Criminal Law, a little bit of reviewing for environmental science, and just looking at the index for correctional systems.
Sounds easy enough!
The super amazing girlfriend is already out of school for the semester, and I am really jealous because I wish I were back home with her instead of here cleaning and working on exams. But next week will be exciting because the two of us are going to take a road trip to Kansas for the week to visit my Grandparents. (Hmmmm, I think they need a blog name....) They will be referred to as the World Champion Grandparents. I am visiting my world champion grandparents in Kansas and cannot wait to get up there.
*Side note: As a little kid my world champion grandparents would always introduce us grandkids as world champion grandson or granddaughter. As a kid I always thought this was pretty cool to be thought of like that. Now that I am a criminal justice major I learn about this awesome thing called labeling theory. Basically it states that if you call someone something or label them as such eventually their attitudes and actions will work to fit that label. So I don't know if I am who I am because my grandparents said I was a world champion but I am sure it didn't hurt. I will have to remember that when/if I am a parent/grandparent/great-grandparent.... Mostly the first one.
Well that is all for tonight folks, remember May is Click it or Ticket Month. More officers are on the road looking for that magic seat belt. Have a great day!
-Swifty
This week quiet hours were extended to all but 1 hour per day. Yup 23 hour a day quiet hours... anyone want to guess where else in the world this system of 23 hour restraint takes place?
That's right!
Super-Max Prisons.
Only in my dorm I don't force you to stay in a tiny cell all day and eat food loafs. And you can always go outside for some rec time and take as many showers as you want.
Sounds like you're living the dream!
One other thing I do not think my students truly appreciate is a clean room. Many of them (despite my urgings) are waiting until the last day possible to clean their rooms.
Can it be done? Yes, Yes it can.
Can it be done in under an hour? Not to my standards!
If I check them out and the room is randomly selected to be checked for cleanliness AND part of it that I signed off on is dirty, guess who gets to go clean it? That's right! Swifty gets to put on the gloves and trade his gun for a bottle of 409 or Windex.
I have three more exams before I am done with school for my Junior year of college.
Thursday:
Honors Environmental Science
Correctional Systems
Friday:
Criminal Law
Lots of reading to do for Criminal Law, a little bit of reviewing for environmental science, and just looking at the index for correctional systems.
Sounds easy enough!
The super amazing girlfriend is already out of school for the semester, and I am really jealous because I wish I were back home with her instead of here cleaning and working on exams. But next week will be exciting because the two of us are going to take a road trip to Kansas for the week to visit my Grandparents. (Hmmmm, I think they need a blog name....) They will be referred to as the World Champion Grandparents. I am visiting my world champion grandparents in Kansas and cannot wait to get up there.
*Side note: As a little kid my world champion grandparents would always introduce us grandkids as world champion grandson or granddaughter. As a kid I always thought this was pretty cool to be thought of like that. Now that I am a criminal justice major I learn about this awesome thing called labeling theory. Basically it states that if you call someone something or label them as such eventually their attitudes and actions will work to fit that label. So I don't know if I am who I am because my grandparents said I was a world champion but I am sure it didn't hurt. I will have to remember that when/if I am a parent/grandparent/great-grandparent.... Mostly the first one.
Well that is all for tonight folks, remember May is Click it or Ticket Month. More officers are on the road looking for that magic seat belt. Have a great day!
-Swifty
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Summer Camp
Just a few more days until I am out of school and off to my summer job.
I am working at a Boy Scout camp again this summer teaching merit badges. I am excited about working in the national forest all summer!
Last Summer I worked teaching the merit badges Indian Lore and Woodcarving.
In my Indian Lore classes I had students write papers about what they learned.
One of my favorite essays was about the trail of tears:
Student:
"I likes how we talked about the trail of tears. They had a long hard hike. Many died and now are gowverment is having to pay for it."
Needless to say I am looking forward to the summer.
I am working at a Boy Scout camp again this summer teaching merit badges. I am excited about working in the national forest all summer!
Last Summer I worked teaching the merit badges Indian Lore and Woodcarving.
In my Indian Lore classes I had students write papers about what they learned.
One of my favorite essays was about the trail of tears:
Student:
"I likes how we talked about the trail of tears. They had a long hard hike. Many died and now are gowverment is having to pay for it."
Needless to say I am looking forward to the summer.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Keeping the wolves away from the sheep.
Last night my dorm had a foam party. If you don't know what a foam party is basically it is a dance but the whole area is supposed to be filled with soap suds. Soap suds like over your head. Naturally a dance in which everyone is in a swimsuit and is under soap suds needs chaperones. That is where Mr. Swifty Morgan comes in.
In the end it wasn't actually our residents that needed chaperoning as much as I had to keep the regular university students from entering our foam pit. My dorm is full of minors (under 18) and isn't necessarily the place you want to let a bunch of older college guys come party.
Throughout the night I had to ask about ten people to leave and only had to forcefully demand a departure from three of them.
The first guy came walking into the area from somewhere near the rec center and I had never seen him before. Not a big deal at first because with 300+ students there are quite a few that I haven't seen still. Anyway, I approach Mr.... we will call him Mr. Turban. Because yes... he was wearing some sort of odd headgear looking like a turban. (Another clue he wasn't one of our sheep) So I ask Mr. Turban "Hey are you a *My Department* student?
Mr. T : Yes I am.
Me: ok then.
I walked over to a PA and asked her if she had ever seen that student before. The obvious answer was NOPE!
So I walk back to Mr. T who is acting kinda weird and is all by himself.
Me "Hey, Who is your RA?"
Mr. T "What is an RA?"
Me "You're not a ****** student are you?"
Mr. T "Yes I am, I go to UNIVERSITY"
Me: What hall do you live in?
Mr. T "HALL NAME hall"
Me: ok, then you are not a ******** student because those students only live here in $$$$$$$$ hall.
Me again after Mr. T gives me dumb stare: "Do not tell me you are a ******* student when you don't even know what that is. You need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "I was confused I didn't know what was going on"
Me "Ok, well here is some advice, when people ask you a question and you do not understand the question do not lie to them. Now you need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "Well I didn't know who you are. Why do you get to tell me to leave?"
Me: "I am Swifty Morgan, I am an employee of ******* and am instructing you to leave the area right now and if you do not do so instantly UNIVERSITY POLICE will be more than happy to give you a ride out of here"
Mr. T then tried to say something that I did not understand because I pointed to the street and wished him a good evening.
The next folks that decided they were too good to be told to leave were these fellers:
For the sake of this blog let's call them tweedle dee and tweedle dum.
I saw that a PA was having a big long conversation with two guys sitting on a bench right outside the foam party and decided that maybe a bit more force would be needed to instruct some college students that it was in their best interest to leave.
Me: Hey guys, whats going on? Can I help you?
Dee: Yeah man, we are just sitting on this bench watching.
Me: Ok, you can't actually be here tonight, the park is closed.
Dee: Hey! I am a F$#*%(# UNIVERSITY STUDENT!!!
^ Yup, he said it. The mother of all dirty words! Time to wash that mouth out with soap mister!
Me: Ok cool. Is that important right now?
Dee: YEAH! I can sit in this park if I want! It is a public place!
Me: Actually you are wrong. This evening this park was reserved exclusively for the use of *My Department* and therefore it is no longer a public place, any other night you may reserve it though the university since you are obviously a student.
Dee: "Well we just wanted to watch!"
Me: Ok, you can't be here.
Dee: "What about the parking lot, did you reserve that too?" <-- Sarcastically
Me: Nope! (And with a great smile on my face as this is one line I have been waiting to use for many years at it was once used by Swifty Morgan's father) You see that curb? That is where the free world starts. (I bet he thought I was a jerk for smiling so big as I said that)
Dee: Ok fine!
So they marched off and as they were walking decided to kick one of our cinder blocks we were using. Super cool guys, hope your toes are ok, I know the cinder block is.
We still decided to call the police and when they saw us on the phone they took off pretty quick. I have no clue what became of them but am sure that some day my tax dollars will be supporting them somehow. I love America....
The wolves were successfully removed from the pen of sheep all night!
The only other issue I had was with my sheep...
At *My Department* we have a 'No PDA' policy, and a pretty strict one at that.
Now during dances we usually let the distance between bodies pretty much go to zero... except the mouths... that is one that we still enforce. So because I was RAOC and the chaperone I got the fun of using an air horn to let a few kissing couples know that it was not appreciated. It kinda kills the mood when you are pretty heavily kissing and an air horn goes off between you. Normally this would be a bid infraction with our points system, but the air horn embarrassment was enough tonight. EVERYONE noticed and got a good laugh at the surprise.
All in all it was a BUSY night but a fun one and hopefully the seniors had fun as this event was for them.
Congrats *My Department* Seniors 2011
In the end it wasn't actually our residents that needed chaperoning as much as I had to keep the regular university students from entering our foam pit. My dorm is full of minors (under 18) and isn't necessarily the place you want to let a bunch of older college guys come party.
Throughout the night I had to ask about ten people to leave and only had to forcefully demand a departure from three of them.
The first guy came walking into the area from somewhere near the rec center and I had never seen him before. Not a big deal at first because with 300+ students there are quite a few that I haven't seen still. Anyway, I approach Mr.... we will call him Mr. Turban. Because yes... he was wearing some sort of odd headgear looking like a turban. (Another clue he wasn't one of our sheep) So I ask Mr. Turban "Hey are you a *My Department* student?
Mr. T : Yes I am.
Me: ok then.
I walked over to a PA and asked her if she had ever seen that student before. The obvious answer was NOPE!
So I walk back to Mr. T who is acting kinda weird and is all by himself.
Me "Hey, Who is your RA?"
Mr. T "What is an RA?"
Me "You're not a ****** student are you?"
Mr. T "Yes I am, I go to UNIVERSITY"
Me: What hall do you live in?
Mr. T "HALL NAME hall"
Me: ok, then you are not a ******** student because those students only live here in $$$$$$$$ hall.
Me again after Mr. T gives me dumb stare: "Do not tell me you are a ******* student when you don't even know what that is. You need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "I was confused I didn't know what was going on"
Me "Ok, well here is some advice, when people ask you a question and you do not understand the question do not lie to them. Now you need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "Well I didn't know who you are. Why do you get to tell me to leave?"
Me: "I am Swifty Morgan, I am an employee of ******* and am instructing you to leave the area right now and if you do not do so instantly UNIVERSITY POLICE will be more than happy to give you a ride out of here"
Mr. T then tried to say something that I did not understand because I pointed to the street and wished him a good evening.
The next folks that decided they were too good to be told to leave were these fellers:
For the sake of this blog let's call them tweedle dee and tweedle dum.
I saw that a PA was having a big long conversation with two guys sitting on a bench right outside the foam party and decided that maybe a bit more force would be needed to instruct some college students that it was in their best interest to leave.
Me: Hey guys, whats going on? Can I help you?
Dee: Yeah man, we are just sitting on this bench watching.
Me: Ok, you can't actually be here tonight, the park is closed.
Dee: Hey! I am a F$#*%(# UNIVERSITY STUDENT!!!
^ Yup, he said it. The mother of all dirty words! Time to wash that mouth out with soap mister!
Me: Ok cool. Is that important right now?
Dee: YEAH! I can sit in this park if I want! It is a public place!
Me: Actually you are wrong. This evening this park was reserved exclusively for the use of *My Department* and therefore it is no longer a public place, any other night you may reserve it though the university since you are obviously a student.
Dee: "Well we just wanted to watch!"
Me: Ok, you can't be here.
Dee: "What about the parking lot, did you reserve that too?" <-- Sarcastically
Me: Nope! (And with a great smile on my face as this is one line I have been waiting to use for many years at it was once used by Swifty Morgan's father) You see that curb? That is where the free world starts. (I bet he thought I was a jerk for smiling so big as I said that)
Dee: Ok fine!
So they marched off and as they were walking decided to kick one of our cinder blocks we were using. Super cool guys, hope your toes are ok, I know the cinder block is.
We still decided to call the police and when they saw us on the phone they took off pretty quick. I have no clue what became of them but am sure that some day my tax dollars will be supporting them somehow. I love America....
The wolves were successfully removed from the pen of sheep all night!
The only other issue I had was with my sheep...
At *My Department* we have a 'No PDA' policy, and a pretty strict one at that.
Now during dances we usually let the distance between bodies pretty much go to zero... except the mouths... that is one that we still enforce. So because I was RAOC and the chaperone I got the fun of using an air horn to let a few kissing couples know that it was not appreciated. It kinda kills the mood when you are pretty heavily kissing and an air horn goes off between you. Normally this would be a bid infraction with our points system, but the air horn embarrassment was enough tonight. EVERYONE noticed and got a good laugh at the surprise.
All in all it was a BUSY night but a fun one and hopefully the seniors had fun as this event was for them.
Congrats *My Department* Seniors 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Bugs are scary!
So this is an incident I ran into about a week ago and decided it was worth telling:
The day is Thursday, the time is 11:30pm, well into our quiet hours.
Lately in my hall I have had a lot of noise late at night with several doors being slammed. So I warned my residents at Wednesday wing meeting that I would be cracking down on noise and doors as people are starting to study more for exams coming up in a few weeks.
Anyway at 11:30 one night I am sitting in my dorm minding my own business when I just hear screaming and yelling. This isn't the type of screaming and yelling when there is an emergency, this is screaming and yelling from fear! I throw on my shoes and bolt down the hall to figure out what the problem is.
I bang on the door and am told to come inside. What I find surprised even me. I found four boys in the room. Two of them on a bed, one of them in the corner and another by the door. They were all screaming! Why? A bug.
Me: Do you know what time it is? Why are you screaming?
Resident: Swifty Morgan look at that bug!!!!
Me: *looks at bug then back at residents* ok cool, why are you screaming?
Resident: That thing was flying around, we don't know what it is, and we think it may reproduce asexually.
I KID YOU NOT! My resident told me he thought the bug could reproduce asexually. I had to work so hard not to laugh.
Me: Ok cool. ID's please. You are all getting documented for noise violations at 11:30 pm.
Resident: But Swifty, did you see the bug?!?!?
Me: Yes, I did. Now I want to see the ID's.
I documented four residents for screaming at 11:30.
Am I mean? Maybe.
Did they earn that doc? Yes
Am I sorry? No. Screaming is stupid.
So I documented them and some of them may lose points if they have two other documentations for the same violation within the past thirty days. (I know some of them are getting close because I have documented them recently).
I returned their ID's and asked where the bug went and they told me it had gone under the bed.
I wished them a good night and advised them to take out their pizza boxes more often. (There were several of them under the bed, and this is the same room that the pizza box adventure was about earlier this semester)
Was the bug big? YES, it was about four inches long, and was flying around the room and landed on a wall when I walked in.
How are these guys ever going to get a girlfriend if they scream like girls when a bug moves about the room. Time for some maturity and a big shoe.
The day is Thursday, the time is 11:30pm, well into our quiet hours.
Lately in my hall I have had a lot of noise late at night with several doors being slammed. So I warned my residents at Wednesday wing meeting that I would be cracking down on noise and doors as people are starting to study more for exams coming up in a few weeks.
Anyway at 11:30 one night I am sitting in my dorm minding my own business when I just hear screaming and yelling. This isn't the type of screaming and yelling when there is an emergency, this is screaming and yelling from fear! I throw on my shoes and bolt down the hall to figure out what the problem is.
I bang on the door and am told to come inside. What I find surprised even me. I found four boys in the room. Two of them on a bed, one of them in the corner and another by the door. They were all screaming! Why? A bug.
Me: Do you know what time it is? Why are you screaming?
Resident: Swifty Morgan look at that bug!!!!
Me: *looks at bug then back at residents* ok cool, why are you screaming?
Resident: That thing was flying around, we don't know what it is, and we think it may reproduce asexually.
I KID YOU NOT! My resident told me he thought the bug could reproduce asexually. I had to work so hard not to laugh.
Me: Ok cool. ID's please. You are all getting documented for noise violations at 11:30 pm.
Resident: But Swifty, did you see the bug?!?!?
Me: Yes, I did. Now I want to see the ID's.
I documented four residents for screaming at 11:30.
Am I mean? Maybe.
Did they earn that doc? Yes
Am I sorry? No. Screaming is stupid.
So I documented them and some of them may lose points if they have two other documentations for the same violation within the past thirty days. (I know some of them are getting close because I have documented them recently).
I returned their ID's and asked where the bug went and they told me it had gone under the bed.
I wished them a good night and advised them to take out their pizza boxes more often. (There were several of them under the bed, and this is the same room that the pizza box adventure was about earlier this semester)
Was the bug big? YES, it was about four inches long, and was flying around the room and landed on a wall when I walked in.
How are these guys ever going to get a girlfriend if they scream like girls when a bug moves about the room. Time for some maturity and a big shoe.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Birthday Part 2
Today was Easter!
It was wonderful! The day started with a trip about 45 minutes from COLLEGE to CITY CHRISTIAN CHURCH. The super amazing girlfriend and I have been going to this church since August when school started. I love the church and feel very welcome. Anyway, we had a early service at 8:30 and then a breakfast. Went to Sunday School to get an education on Romans 5 and 6 at 9:30 and at 10:30 we went to the normal service.
Overall very wonderful church service.
I then took the super amazing girlfriend back to our hometown and we met with her family and cousins and aunts and uncles. It was great, I love meeting with all of them. They are all so fun to talk to. I talked cars and guns with the girlfriends grandfather and although Swifty Morgan is only twenty one they still enjoy talking to the 'younger' generation.
Even at twenty one I went Easter Egg hunting with all of the cousins. I believe there were nine of us total and according to the girlfriend I held my own fairly well in the competitive world of DOE family Easter egg hunts.
After this we went back to my house and met my parents for dessert. My parents had a present for me and one from my grandparents. I got a good fishing rod, with an excellent reel and lots of lures, bait, and other tackle. I cannot wait to go fishing now. I really enjoy fishing and want to go more often. Maybe land me a big bass and mount it on the wall or something.
Thank you Mom, Dad and Grandma and Grandpa for the fishing stuff. I CAN'T WAIT to use it!
Later in the evening the weather changed very quickly. Suddenly there was lots of lightning and thunder and the tornado alarms were being sound for my hometown and the town south of us. I took the super amazing girlfriend home so that her parents could take her back to her UNIVERSITY and I would head back to my COLLEGE. Loaded everything up and hit the road in my trusty old Ford Crown Victoria.
I have never driven though a fire hose before but I can imagine it feels somewhat like the storm I drove through today. The surprising part? I was so relaxed during this drive. The classic rock station was playing a block of The Eagles and that was what helped make it relaxing. Tequila sunrise is a great song to listen to on a long drive in a thunderstorm. Several traffic lights were out of commission and flashing red in all directions. The storm really did some pretty real damage. And it isn't over yet, as I type this I can still hear thunder and see some lightning. I love it. Storms are my favorite.
All in all today I can reflect on one thing. Having people around you that love you is one of the biggest blessings in the world. Today the super amazing girlfriend's mother made me a cake. Chocolate and coconut, she makes this cake every year and I love it. Does she have to make it? Absolutely not, I am not her kid. I have been dating her daughter 3 and a 1/2 years and this is my fourth birthday with her. I know people care when they make you a cake for your birthday every year. I have had so much cake this weekend it is going to kill me but it has been great. And all of the cousins and family sung happy birthday to me today. I am one who typically shies away from any sort of recognition. I honestly prefer to not be recognized for anything. I never tell people when my birthday is until afterwards because I don't want them to know. I don't want people to do anything for me. But people care too much to just ignore my birthday.
Even yesterday my grandparents called as I was leaving dinner and wished me a happy birthday, and I have gotten so many wall posts on facebook. Many from people I never even talk to anymore. Just goes to show you the power of people in my life.
Well now it is time for Swifty Morgan to enter RA mode and do room checks.
Adios!
It was wonderful! The day started with a trip about 45 minutes from COLLEGE to CITY CHRISTIAN CHURCH. The super amazing girlfriend and I have been going to this church since August when school started. I love the church and feel very welcome. Anyway, we had a early service at 8:30 and then a breakfast. Went to Sunday School to get an education on Romans 5 and 6 at 9:30 and at 10:30 we went to the normal service.
Overall very wonderful church service.
I then took the super amazing girlfriend back to our hometown and we met with her family and cousins and aunts and uncles. It was great, I love meeting with all of them. They are all so fun to talk to. I talked cars and guns with the girlfriends grandfather and although Swifty Morgan is only twenty one they still enjoy talking to the 'younger' generation.
Even at twenty one I went Easter Egg hunting with all of the cousins. I believe there were nine of us total and according to the girlfriend I held my own fairly well in the competitive world of DOE family Easter egg hunts.
After this we went back to my house and met my parents for dessert. My parents had a present for me and one from my grandparents. I got a good fishing rod, with an excellent reel and lots of lures, bait, and other tackle. I cannot wait to go fishing now. I really enjoy fishing and want to go more often. Maybe land me a big bass and mount it on the wall or something.
Thank you Mom, Dad and Grandma and Grandpa for the fishing stuff. I CAN'T WAIT to use it!
Later in the evening the weather changed very quickly. Suddenly there was lots of lightning and thunder and the tornado alarms were being sound for my hometown and the town south of us. I took the super amazing girlfriend home so that her parents could take her back to her UNIVERSITY and I would head back to my COLLEGE. Loaded everything up and hit the road in my trusty old Ford Crown Victoria.
I have never driven though a fire hose before but I can imagine it feels somewhat like the storm I drove through today. The surprising part? I was so relaxed during this drive. The classic rock station was playing a block of The Eagles and that was what helped make it relaxing. Tequila sunrise is a great song to listen to on a long drive in a thunderstorm. Several traffic lights were out of commission and flashing red in all directions. The storm really did some pretty real damage. And it isn't over yet, as I type this I can still hear thunder and see some lightning. I love it. Storms are my favorite.
All in all today I can reflect on one thing. Having people around you that love you is one of the biggest blessings in the world. Today the super amazing girlfriend's mother made me a cake. Chocolate and coconut, she makes this cake every year and I love it. Does she have to make it? Absolutely not, I am not her kid. I have been dating her daughter 3 and a 1/2 years and this is my fourth birthday with her. I know people care when they make you a cake for your birthday every year. I have had so much cake this weekend it is going to kill me but it has been great. And all of the cousins and family sung happy birthday to me today. I am one who typically shies away from any sort of recognition. I honestly prefer to not be recognized for anything. I never tell people when my birthday is until afterwards because I don't want them to know. I don't want people to do anything for me. But people care too much to just ignore my birthday.
Even yesterday my grandparents called as I was leaving dinner and wished me a happy birthday, and I have gotten so many wall posts on facebook. Many from people I never even talk to anymore. Just goes to show you the power of people in my life.
Well now it is time for Swifty Morgan to enter RA mode and do room checks.
Adios!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Another day Another year
Well folks, Swifty Morgan has turned twenty-one.
That is one more that twenty, one less than twenty-two. And you all know what turning twenty-one means.......
Thats RIGHT!.....
Going to thrift shops, hanging bulletin boards at work, eating ice cream on the steps of the courthouse in torrential rains, attempting to light a candle on your own birthday cake and singing happy birthday as fast as you can because it is so windy?
Yeah, welcome to the wonderful life of Mr. Morgan.
The day started like many other days. I awoke. Simple enough right? Actually my birthday started before I woke up. I stayed up too late watching king of the hill on netflix.
So 7 am I woke up bright and early. Can't waste today right?
Nope, I couldn't wait to wake up so I could roll over and go back to sleep. Today is a big day.
At 9 am my super amazing girlfriend arrived to bring me breakfast because I was stuck in the building until 5 pm for work. McDonalds is a pretty good birthday breakfast.
We sat around and watched TV while eating and then later I had to drive a group of students to a destination about one hour away full of amusement and containing several flying cloths attached to poles... approximately six of them.
When I got back it was one o'clock and we walked over to Chicken Express for lunch. YUM.
After chicken express I found out that neither I nor the super amazing girlfriend are very good at ping pong. I might venture to say that I am slightly better but because I know she is reading this I will go ahead and tell the world she could whip me any day at ping pong. Happy dear?
Enough fun and games, time to do work. I had to hang a bulletin board in the hall so the girl and I went and did that and counted down the last 15 min until 5 o'clock. 5 o'clock in this case is similar to the word freedom. I could finally leave the hall.
The super amazing girlfriend was going to take me to see the movie True Grit, something I was looking forward to a LOT. But the theater had an error on the website and there was no westerns on the screen tonight. :(
So instead we went to a junk shop. That is the non-polite way of saying we went to Downtown mini-mall. This mall is full of junk. Old coke bottles, random old documents, several military surplus items, lots of made in china knives. Remember if the knife says made in china, you treat it like your china at home. FRAGILE!
After the mini mall we went to a used book/record store which was pretty neat. Then we went to go get dinner. I love me some BBQ. And only in UNKNOWN STATE can you find people eating BBQ and smoking right next to their friend who is on oxygen. People are crazy.
The next part of my night gets a little wet. The super amazing girlfriend took me to a wonderful ice cream place on the square. Yes my town is cooler than yours and actually has a square. Anyway we got our ice cream and the lightning was very intense and it started to rain so we ran and sat on the steps to the courthouse. It was very fun. The only thing missing was a Delorean and a crazy looking man trying to attach it to some wires before lightning struck the clock tower. I don't know why I thought that but my town's square looks very similar to the square from back to the future.
After ice cream we went to kroger to buy a cake. I got a slice of cake for two dollars and split it with my super amazing girlfriend. Tried to do the whole candle thing but that didn't work out so well. It is really windy. She still sang and we ate cake and watched a movie. Wonderful day!
Time to go to bed. 7 hours until the early Easter service. :)
That is one more that twenty, one less than twenty-two. And you all know what turning twenty-one means.......
Thats RIGHT!.....
Going to thrift shops, hanging bulletin boards at work, eating ice cream on the steps of the courthouse in torrential rains, attempting to light a candle on your own birthday cake and singing happy birthday as fast as you can because it is so windy?
Yeah, welcome to the wonderful life of Mr. Morgan.
The day started like many other days. I awoke. Simple enough right? Actually my birthday started before I woke up. I stayed up too late watching king of the hill on netflix.
So 7 am I woke up bright and early. Can't waste today right?
Nope, I couldn't wait to wake up so I could roll over and go back to sleep. Today is a big day.
At 9 am my super amazing girlfriend arrived to bring me breakfast because I was stuck in the building until 5 pm for work. McDonalds is a pretty good birthday breakfast.
We sat around and watched TV while eating and then later I had to drive a group of students to a destination about one hour away full of amusement and containing several flying cloths attached to poles... approximately six of them.
When I got back it was one o'clock and we walked over to Chicken Express for lunch. YUM.
After chicken express I found out that neither I nor the super amazing girlfriend are very good at ping pong. I might venture to say that I am slightly better but because I know she is reading this I will go ahead and tell the world she could whip me any day at ping pong. Happy dear?
Enough fun and games, time to do work. I had to hang a bulletin board in the hall so the girl and I went and did that and counted down the last 15 min until 5 o'clock. 5 o'clock in this case is similar to the word freedom. I could finally leave the hall.
The super amazing girlfriend was going to take me to see the movie True Grit, something I was looking forward to a LOT. But the theater had an error on the website and there was no westerns on the screen tonight. :(
So instead we went to a junk shop. That is the non-polite way of saying we went to Downtown mini-mall. This mall is full of junk. Old coke bottles, random old documents, several military surplus items, lots of made in china knives. Remember if the knife says made in china, you treat it like your china at home. FRAGILE!
After the mini mall we went to a used book/record store which was pretty neat. Then we went to go get dinner. I love me some BBQ. And only in UNKNOWN STATE can you find people eating BBQ and smoking right next to their friend who is on oxygen. People are crazy.
The next part of my night gets a little wet. The super amazing girlfriend took me to a wonderful ice cream place on the square. Yes my town is cooler than yours and actually has a square. Anyway we got our ice cream and the lightning was very intense and it started to rain so we ran and sat on the steps to the courthouse. It was very fun. The only thing missing was a Delorean and a crazy looking man trying to attach it to some wires before lightning struck the clock tower. I don't know why I thought that but my town's square looks very similar to the square from back to the future.
After ice cream we went to kroger to buy a cake. I got a slice of cake for two dollars and split it with my super amazing girlfriend. Tried to do the whole candle thing but that didn't work out so well. It is really windy. She still sang and we ate cake and watched a movie. Wonderful day!
Time to go to bed. 7 hours until the early Easter service. :)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Swifty Morgan beats a pizza box!
Swifty Morgan solves problems.
Today at my weekly wing meeting I noticed three pizza boxes in the recycle bin...
Pizza boxes cannot be recycled at UNIVERSITY.
This has been an ongoing issue this semester. And Domino's does not put the names of the purchaser on the box.
The pizza boxes were placed in the recycle bin because tonight is the final night of room cleanliness inspections. (Because cleanliness is next to Godliness and if the state says we cannot solely recognize God as an institution we can hit up the next best thing right?) If they have pizza box trash in their room, they get documented, and they gain points, 100 points and its game over.
What is Swifty Morgan to do?
I honestly had a SLIGHT idea about who put the pizza boxes in the bin, but only just slightly. However, the students don't know that.
So at wing meeting I made the following announcement:
"To the young man who put the pizza boxes in the recycle bin. I know exactly who you are. If the pizza boxes are still in the recycle bin by the time I get to your room WILL fail inspections, and you WILL be docked points for failure to comply with directions. You will also be singled out in front of your peers as the person who continues to place pizza boxes in the recycle bin after being told not to. You have until I make it to your room to remove them."
That was an ultimatum! Swifty Morgan stood looking at those pizza boxes and didn't back down! Now my recycle guy is happy and the guy who I thought put them in there did the right thing.
Did he do it out of fear? hopefully. Should it have come to that? No. He needed to do it because laziness is bad. And placing pizza boxes in the recycle instead of taking them outside is lazy.
What will Swifty Morgan and his sword of justice battle tomorrow?
World Hunger. Anyone who is hungry can gladly use my meal plan. The cafeteria food is horrible, you can have it all.
Today at my weekly wing meeting I noticed three pizza boxes in the recycle bin...
Pizza boxes cannot be recycled at UNIVERSITY.
This has been an ongoing issue this semester. And Domino's does not put the names of the purchaser on the box.
The pizza boxes were placed in the recycle bin because tonight is the final night of room cleanliness inspections. (Because cleanliness is next to Godliness and if the state says we cannot solely recognize God as an institution we can hit up the next best thing right?) If they have pizza box trash in their room, they get documented, and they gain points, 100 points and its game over.
What is Swifty Morgan to do?
I honestly had a SLIGHT idea about who put the pizza boxes in the bin, but only just slightly. However, the students don't know that.
So at wing meeting I made the following announcement:
"To the young man who put the pizza boxes in the recycle bin. I know exactly who you are. If the pizza boxes are still in the recycle bin by the time I get to your room WILL fail inspections, and you WILL be docked points for failure to comply with directions. You will also be singled out in front of your peers as the person who continues to place pizza boxes in the recycle bin after being told not to. You have until I make it to your room to remove them."
That was an ultimatum! Swifty Morgan stood looking at those pizza boxes and didn't back down! Now my recycle guy is happy and the guy who I thought put them in there did the right thing.
Did he do it out of fear? hopefully. Should it have come to that? No. He needed to do it because laziness is bad. And placing pizza boxes in the recycle instead of taking them outside is lazy.
What will Swifty Morgan and his sword of justice battle tomorrow?
World Hunger. Anyone who is hungry can gladly use my meal plan. The cafeteria food is horrible, you can have it all.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Cat and Mouse
Sometimes my residents like to live life on the edge. Push the limits a little bit and see what they can and cannot get away with...
In my unnamed dorm it is against policy to walk around without a shirt. For the girls floors this is a rule for obvious reasons but the guys with community bathrooms like to walk around without a shirt.
How did I work to curb this less than modest behavior?
Step one: Threaten to take your shirt off as well. Most residents think this would be an awful event and thus somehow seem to find a shirt right away.
Step two: Ask them to remember their shirt and inform them that the girl RA's and staff are fairly grossed out. Hopefully this will curb any desire to impress us, because if they are trying to impress the male staff on my floor we have other issues than walking around with no shirt on.
Step three: Inform them that they must now wear a shirt from this exact moment on or they will be documented.
Step four: The time to doc is always inconvenient. I think the residents plan it this way. They know when I am running late to a test and don't have much time to write out an information report. Let me tell you something, I have fingers of lightning, and a memory better than most. Lastly, I ENJOY writing reports, I get to write in third person and what not. Very fun stuff we are talking about here.
Here is an example of how I like to write my reports:
The most cunning and intelligent Resident Assistant Swifty Morgan attempted to shoot down three Russian fighter jets that were en route to UNNAMED RESIDENCE HALL with an anti-aircraft gun. At approximately 3:15pm the anti-aircraft gun jammed and RA Morgan effectively removed the three fighter jets with a yo-yo and a few crayola markers from UNNAMED airspace above UNNAMED hall.
Yeah folks, my reports are THAT COOL, and I NEVER exaggerate the story. Those planes were really Russian, not some Libyan nationalist wannabes.
Anyway, after I document you for no shirt, it would be unwise for you to walk around the hall shirtless. And when I see you and you run, I just laugh, mission accomplished, maybe now you realize that shirts are a good thing.
-Swifty Morgan
>Oh, and running is a doc too! ;)
In my unnamed dorm it is against policy to walk around without a shirt. For the girls floors this is a rule for obvious reasons but the guys with community bathrooms like to walk around without a shirt.
How did I work to curb this less than modest behavior?
Step one: Threaten to take your shirt off as well. Most residents think this would be an awful event and thus somehow seem to find a shirt right away.
Step two: Ask them to remember their shirt and inform them that the girl RA's and staff are fairly grossed out. Hopefully this will curb any desire to impress us, because if they are trying to impress the male staff on my floor we have other issues than walking around with no shirt on.
Step three: Inform them that they must now wear a shirt from this exact moment on or they will be documented.
Step four: The time to doc is always inconvenient. I think the residents plan it this way. They know when I am running late to a test and don't have much time to write out an information report. Let me tell you something, I have fingers of lightning, and a memory better than most. Lastly, I ENJOY writing reports, I get to write in third person and what not. Very fun stuff we are talking about here.
Here is an example of how I like to write my reports:
The most cunning and intelligent Resident Assistant Swifty Morgan attempted to shoot down three Russian fighter jets that were en route to UNNAMED RESIDENCE HALL with an anti-aircraft gun. At approximately 3:15pm the anti-aircraft gun jammed and RA Morgan effectively removed the three fighter jets with a yo-yo and a few crayola markers from UNNAMED airspace above UNNAMED hall.
Yeah folks, my reports are THAT COOL, and I NEVER exaggerate the story. Those planes were really Russian, not some Libyan nationalist wannabes.
Anyway, after I document you for no shirt, it would be unwise for you to walk around the hall shirtless. And when I see you and you run, I just laugh, mission accomplished, maybe now you realize that shirts are a good thing.
-Swifty Morgan
>Oh, and running is a doc too! ;)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Some people just like cows
Ever have a great day?
Really? ME TOO
So today I got to herd cattle. Most people might consider this 'work' however I consider it VERY FUN.
The day started with a drive about an hour from home over to a ranch that a friend of mine's grandparents own. Once there we got to drive around in our jeep wrangler on some back trails around the fields. That jeep is one awesome fun to drive vehicle but drinks gasoline like I was a rich Saudi oilman with my own refinery. The superhero sidekick girlfriend even likes the jeep! She said it was 'fun to drive' and she definately looks great driving it.
For lunch we had a picnic on top of a huge hill with a cross at the top that is visible from the interstate. Wonderful weather and a picnic at the foot of the cross was a perfect day.
After lunch we drove around exploring some more and then went back to the house and got recruited to fix 'The Kubota'. Now Kubota is a brand, and not a specific piece of machinery but if you are wondering what I was working on it looks very similar to the picture:
The operator had decided that it was time to take one a challenge most cows never overcome....
BARBED WIRE FENCES
So in a last stand of blazing glory and potential for eternal victory over what most cattle know as an impassable boundry the Kubota revved its thousand cc's with all its might to plow down that fence that stood in the way between normalcy and eternal recognition and dignity as the little kubota that could. It huffed and it puffed and it knocked that fence down!
I know it knocked it down because most of the fence was all caught up under the drivetrain.
So with what tools were available we went to work to fix the kubota for the ranch owner.
I heard that he ran over the fence on accident. I wasn't there, but I think my more dramatic story will suffice for now.
Ever hear the phrase 'When all you have is a hammer every problem looks like a nail?'
Well for us it was 'When all you have is a hi-lift jack every problem looks too low'
or one that was most certainly true 'When all you have is a 5/8" socket everything is another size'
Anyway, finally got all the barbed wire out from under the kubota and found that it was time to herd cattle into the pen. In the movies people herd cattle from horseback, in 2011 people herd cattle from dodge trucks.
Lots of driving and honking but finally we got all those cows inside.
Overall a very fun day, we ate dinner at babes chicken dinner house which was great and made it home with light to spare.
-Swifty
Really? ME TOO
So today I got to herd cattle. Most people might consider this 'work' however I consider it VERY FUN.
The day started with a drive about an hour from home over to a ranch that a friend of mine's grandparents own. Once there we got to drive around in our jeep wrangler on some back trails around the fields. That jeep is one awesome fun to drive vehicle but drinks gasoline like I was a rich Saudi oilman with my own refinery. The superhero sidekick girlfriend even likes the jeep! She said it was 'fun to drive' and she definately looks great driving it.
For lunch we had a picnic on top of a huge hill with a cross at the top that is visible from the interstate. Wonderful weather and a picnic at the foot of the cross was a perfect day.
After lunch we drove around exploring some more and then went back to the house and got recruited to fix 'The Kubota'. Now Kubota is a brand, and not a specific piece of machinery but if you are wondering what I was working on it looks very similar to the picture:
The operator had decided that it was time to take one a challenge most cows never overcome....
BARBED WIRE FENCES
So in a last stand of blazing glory and potential for eternal victory over what most cattle know as an impassable boundry the Kubota revved its thousand cc's with all its might to plow down that fence that stood in the way between normalcy and eternal recognition and dignity as the little kubota that could. It huffed and it puffed and it knocked that fence down!
I know it knocked it down because most of the fence was all caught up under the drivetrain.
So with what tools were available we went to work to fix the kubota for the ranch owner.
I heard that he ran over the fence on accident. I wasn't there, but I think my more dramatic story will suffice for now.
Ever hear the phrase 'When all you have is a hammer every problem looks like a nail?'
Well for us it was 'When all you have is a hi-lift jack every problem looks too low'
or one that was most certainly true 'When all you have is a 5/8" socket everything is another size'
Anyway, finally got all the barbed wire out from under the kubota and found that it was time to herd cattle into the pen. In the movies people herd cattle from horseback, in 2011 people herd cattle from dodge trucks.
Lots of driving and honking but finally we got all those cows inside.
Overall a very fun day, we ate dinner at babes chicken dinner house which was great and made it home with light to spare.
-Swifty
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Long time no see?
Ok, I need to apologize, it has been crazy long since I have posted on here. Almost one month.
That is almost 1/12th of the year.
Too long.
Many exciting stories to share, but school has really been kicked up a notch lately. More tests and quizzes.
So as some of you may know I got the privilege to go visit New York City recently.
It was an awesome experience to say the least.
The superhero sidekick girlfriend that has been mentioned in posts before was going to play in Carnegie hall, and well the girlfriend's Grandmother, (Superhero Grandma) took me along to see the sidekick girlfriend play in NYC!
Thank you!
Want to hear a cool story from NYC? Yeah I guess so.
I stopped a runaway subway full of children from exploding into the statue of liberty thus protecting the future of America by saving the children and a national landmark that stands for democracy, freedom, and being buddies with french folks.
Just kidding. My trip was much more exciting than that made up story.
NYC is like a whole different land. It is like a gigantic concrete canyon that you never leave.
And what they say about NYC never sleeping is totally true. I was on the 14th floor of the hotel I stayed in and could hear traffic all night long. After the first night you grow used to it, and it is sorta soothing.
One of the cool parts of NYC was the food.
Dollar hot dog man! He sells hot dogs... for a dollar. That is like Quick Trip price down here. Way to go hot dog salesman. Even in rising economic times George Washington can still be traded for a hot dog.
Ray's pizza was great too. I thought it was very interesting how the sausage was sliced like pepperoni is normally. Made for some great pizza. And I went to an Alfredo's pizza next door to the hotel. The 'white pie' was really good. For those of you like me who had never heard of a white pie before it is basically just a cheese pizza with no sauce. I have no clue what kind of cheese but we will just refer to it as good cheese. I think that the white pie would have been FANTASTIC as cold breakfast pizza.
Looking for a good date idea?
Want to really impress a girl in NYC? Take her to times square late at night in the rain. Makes for quite the romantic stroll. If you are feeling super adventurous stop by the hard rock cafe and get the potato skins, but you have to try the sour cream. Guys: if you have never had sour cream before it will impress your girl a lot to try new foods. Trust me. And sour cream on potato skins tastes great. Overall being in times square at midnight in the light rain was super awesome.
One more thing before I have to get back to homework:
Are you bored on the plane? Like to draw?
Tomorrow on this very blog here I will feature some airplane art from some very talented artists!
-Swifty
That is almost 1/12th of the year.
Too long.
Many exciting stories to share, but school has really been kicked up a notch lately. More tests and quizzes.
So as some of you may know I got the privilege to go visit New York City recently.
It was an awesome experience to say the least.
The superhero sidekick girlfriend that has been mentioned in posts before was going to play in Carnegie hall, and well the girlfriend's Grandmother, (Superhero Grandma) took me along to see the sidekick girlfriend play in NYC!
Thank you!
Want to hear a cool story from NYC? Yeah I guess so.
I stopped a runaway subway full of children from exploding into the statue of liberty thus protecting the future of America by saving the children and a national landmark that stands for democracy, freedom, and being buddies with french folks.
Just kidding. My trip was much more exciting than that made up story.
NYC is like a whole different land. It is like a gigantic concrete canyon that you never leave.
And what they say about NYC never sleeping is totally true. I was on the 14th floor of the hotel I stayed in and could hear traffic all night long. After the first night you grow used to it, and it is sorta soothing.
One of the cool parts of NYC was the food.
Dollar hot dog man! He sells hot dogs... for a dollar. That is like Quick Trip price down here. Way to go hot dog salesman. Even in rising economic times George Washington can still be traded for a hot dog.
Ray's pizza was great too. I thought it was very interesting how the sausage was sliced like pepperoni is normally. Made for some great pizza. And I went to an Alfredo's pizza next door to the hotel. The 'white pie' was really good. For those of you like me who had never heard of a white pie before it is basically just a cheese pizza with no sauce. I have no clue what kind of cheese but we will just refer to it as good cheese. I think that the white pie would have been FANTASTIC as cold breakfast pizza.
Looking for a good date idea?
Want to really impress a girl in NYC? Take her to times square late at night in the rain. Makes for quite the romantic stroll. If you are feeling super adventurous stop by the hard rock cafe and get the potato skins, but you have to try the sour cream. Guys: if you have never had sour cream before it will impress your girl a lot to try new foods. Trust me. And sour cream on potato skins tastes great. Overall being in times square at midnight in the light rain was super awesome.
One more thing before I have to get back to homework:
Are you bored on the plane? Like to draw?
Tomorrow on this very blog here I will feature some airplane art from some very talented artists!
-Swifty
Monday, February 14, 2011
Monday Funday
My robot brain came in!
I spent 40 min waiting in line at the 'post office' to get it...
You may have noticed I put scare quotes around 'post office'. This is because the on campus 'post office' is not a post office. The cannot postmark items. The 'post office' is run more poorly than the real post office. I am not a fan of the USPS and think it is slow and inefficient but the on campus 'post office' is even slower. The on campus post office takes 2 days to get a package to the student. USPS said my package was delivered to campus at 9am Friday.
No package for me on Friday.
No package for me on Saturday.
No package for me at 12:45 today.
Finally got a package at 2:00.
And the line was 40 min long. I had nothing to do so I waited and got it.
The 'post office' claimed that it was the ice storm that closed campus for 4 days that caused the delay in packages.
The real USPS has a bit more pride in their timely deliveries.
While not the official creed of the USPS the famous
"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"
Quote is displayed at the James Farley Post Office in New York City.
So an ice storm 2 weeks ago can delay packages this much? Time to look for a new career mr. fake postman.
One last gripe about the 'post office'...
The person two people in front of me in line had her package given out to someone else. The 'postman' looked up who they gave it to and told this girl to find someone with the last name Delarosa. Yeah, just find any one of them... they must have your package. Sorry Mr. Postman but it is your fault you gave out the wrong package, quit trying to tell that girl to find it on her own.
Finally I got my package and as I was walking away the 'postman' yelled at me because I forgot to sign his little digital signature device. After waiting in line for 40 min I was in no mood to go back and help this guy get his job done. So how does Swifty Morgan sign his name? :)
That is it, I drew a smiley face.
Have a great day 'postman'! :)
I spent 40 min waiting in line at the 'post office' to get it...
You may have noticed I put scare quotes around 'post office'. This is because the on campus 'post office' is not a post office. The cannot postmark items. The 'post office' is run more poorly than the real post office. I am not a fan of the USPS and think it is slow and inefficient but the on campus 'post office' is even slower. The on campus post office takes 2 days to get a package to the student. USPS said my package was delivered to campus at 9am Friday.
No package for me on Friday.
No package for me on Saturday.
No package for me at 12:45 today.
Finally got a package at 2:00.
And the line was 40 min long. I had nothing to do so I waited and got it.
The 'post office' claimed that it was the ice storm that closed campus for 4 days that caused the delay in packages.
The real USPS has a bit more pride in their timely deliveries.
While not the official creed of the USPS the famous
"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds"
Quote is displayed at the James Farley Post Office in New York City.
So an ice storm 2 weeks ago can delay packages this much? Time to look for a new career mr. fake postman.
One last gripe about the 'post office'...
The person two people in front of me in line had her package given out to someone else. The 'postman' looked up who they gave it to and told this girl to find someone with the last name Delarosa. Yeah, just find any one of them... they must have your package. Sorry Mr. Postman but it is your fault you gave out the wrong package, quit trying to tell that girl to find it on her own.
Finally I got my package and as I was walking away the 'postman' yelled at me because I forgot to sign his little digital signature device. After waiting in line for 40 min I was in no mood to go back and help this guy get his job done. So how does Swifty Morgan sign his name? :)
That is it, I drew a smiley face.
Have a great day 'postman'! :)
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Valentines Dinner
Howdy all,
I know it has been a long time since I blogged last, school and work have been busy.
Today I took my superhero girlfriend out to dinner in our hometown. I decided to blindfold her and drive her around a bit on our way to dinner, and she still guessed exactly where we were eating! Some sort of crazy internal gps like super-sense going on there.
Anyway we went out to eat at a local Italian eatery, one that we frequent quite often. Neither of us had been in a while because we are both off at school. Went in and got a seat instantly which was great. And guess who are waiter was? George! The SAME waiter that we had when we first went to lunch at that location about three and a half years ago. Talk about setting up the perfect date. Took my girl to the same place, same waiter. And the food was fast and pretty good too. Just to be fun we left a little note for George on the back of our receipt. Who knows if he will read it or even care, but we thought it was cool.
After that dinner we went back to her house to make cookies and watch a movie.
All in all a great night!
Happy Valentines day,
-Swifty Morgan
I know it has been a long time since I blogged last, school and work have been busy.
Today I took my superhero girlfriend out to dinner in our hometown. I decided to blindfold her and drive her around a bit on our way to dinner, and she still guessed exactly where we were eating! Some sort of crazy internal gps like super-sense going on there.
Anyway we went out to eat at a local Italian eatery, one that we frequent quite often. Neither of us had been in a while because we are both off at school. Went in and got a seat instantly which was great. And guess who are waiter was? George! The SAME waiter that we had when we first went to lunch at that location about three and a half years ago. Talk about setting up the perfect date. Took my girl to the same place, same waiter. And the food was fast and pretty good too. Just to be fun we left a little note for George on the back of our receipt. Who knows if he will read it or even care, but we thought it was cool.
After that dinner we went back to her house to make cookies and watch a movie.
All in all a great night!
Happy Valentines day,
-Swifty Morgan
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Wednesday Snow day #2
Live from ________ Hall at _______University this is Swifty Morgan reporting about snow day numero dos.
It is a Wednesday. Normally on Wednesdays I have my environmental science lab. I didn't today. That means that I still do not know who my instructor is for that course. The first two weeks my instructor was stuck in Chili because the airline went on strike. Now we have no class, hopefully soon I will know who all my teachers are.
This morning I worked extra desk hours. That is great because in the end it means extra $$ which means. I might get another penny per quarter return from my savings account! Living the Dream!
Before my desk shift I walked to 7-11 to get some coffee. At 6:30 the power company decided that the part of town that 7-11 is on was ready for a rolling blackout and power shut off. Luckily I was using my spare change to pay for coffee and had 11 dimes to pay. The 7-11 man told me not to worry about it, but I like 7-11 they are a good place right by campus. The guy that works at 7-11 worries me though, if I were his manager he would be fired ASAP. When I was there there were two of us in the store. And the other customer spilled his coffee. I guess he was so excited about warm drinks. Anyway the night shift 7-11 man said 'Don't worry about it, Day shift starts in an hour, I will have them clean it up'.... let coffee sit on the floor and the counter for an hour because you are too lazy to clean? As I have been told Ray Kroc of McDonalds once said 'If you have time enough to lean, you have time enough to clean' Adios Mr. 7-11 man.
7am to 12pm is a long time to sit at a computer and figure out what to do.
@ 7 am I started by watching an episode of Southland (a super cool tv show) on TNT.tv
@ 8 am I went on vacation. Sorta. I have a lot of fun looking a google maps. And lately street view has been covering more and more places. I was looking at street view of Big Bend National Park in west Texas. Very fun road trip, lots of mouse clicking, but at least you don't pay gas.
After I toured around Big Bend via satellite I jumped across the river to Juarez Mexico. That town has really grown since the last time I was there. It has almost been 3 years but there is quite the improvement to their roads and buildings.
Next I went to Santa Fe New Mexico. Drove around the square and never had to stop for a light! Google maps vacations are fun and free!
That actually entertained me for almost 4 hours.
After desk I went to Suko Thai for some food. Spicy Thai chicken wings? No problem, I am a native Texan. Spicy is GOOD!
Spent the rest of the day doing homework, what fun!
It is a Wednesday. Normally on Wednesdays I have my environmental science lab. I didn't today. That means that I still do not know who my instructor is for that course. The first two weeks my instructor was stuck in Chili because the airline went on strike. Now we have no class, hopefully soon I will know who all my teachers are.
This morning I worked extra desk hours. That is great because in the end it means extra $$ which means. I might get another penny per quarter return from my savings account! Living the Dream!
Before my desk shift I walked to 7-11 to get some coffee. At 6:30 the power company decided that the part of town that 7-11 is on was ready for a rolling blackout and power shut off. Luckily I was using my spare change to pay for coffee and had 11 dimes to pay. The 7-11 man told me not to worry about it, but I like 7-11 they are a good place right by campus. The guy that works at 7-11 worries me though, if I were his manager he would be fired ASAP. When I was there there were two of us in the store. And the other customer spilled his coffee. I guess he was so excited about warm drinks. Anyway the night shift 7-11 man said 'Don't worry about it, Day shift starts in an hour, I will have them clean it up'.... let coffee sit on the floor and the counter for an hour because you are too lazy to clean? As I have been told Ray Kroc of McDonalds once said 'If you have time enough to lean, you have time enough to clean' Adios Mr. 7-11 man.
7am to 12pm is a long time to sit at a computer and figure out what to do.
@ 7 am I started by watching an episode of Southland (a super cool tv show) on TNT.tv
@ 8 am I went on vacation. Sorta. I have a lot of fun looking a google maps. And lately street view has been covering more and more places. I was looking at street view of Big Bend National Park in west Texas. Very fun road trip, lots of mouse clicking, but at least you don't pay gas.
After I toured around Big Bend via satellite I jumped across the river to Juarez Mexico. That town has really grown since the last time I was there. It has almost been 3 years but there is quite the improvement to their roads and buildings.
Next I went to Santa Fe New Mexico. Drove around the square and never had to stop for a light! Google maps vacations are fun and free!
That actually entertained me for almost 4 hours.
After desk I went to Suko Thai for some food. Spicy Thai chicken wings? No problem, I am a native Texan. Spicy is GOOD!
Spent the rest of the day doing homework, what fun!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Tuesday Snow Day #1
I heard my phone chime and the hall erupted with cheers.
No I was not in some great hall full of stock brokers and my phone did not deliver a text about the closing price of the DOW 500.... I was in my room, and the residents on my floor went nuts when my university canceled Tuesday classes. I am not sure if any of them slept at all, Tuesday morning was very quite and peaceful. I woke up early to go take pictures of snow before it was trampled on and got some neat pictures of campus. Those of you with access to my facebook may see them there. For those of you that do not and probably will not ever have access to my pictures on facebook take out a blank sheet of computer paper. Now set it on the floor. Ok, good job! That is what the ground looked like! It was white.
Ok enough of that. My residents spent most the day inside the building playing computer games, watching movies, and playing ping pong. I studied fairly regularly because I do not want to be behind in my classes anytime soon.
Tuesday at about 5 pm it got really loud again. This time I knew it was coming because university employees got an email minutes before students got their text messages. I was downstairs in the 'common room' and people started running around yelling and shouting cheers of joy... problem, if they are THIS excited to miss a day of school, they might be getting in a lot of trouble stuck in the building for two days.
So here is to keeping the peace in the building. For those of you at other colleges enjoy your time off too (if you got any).
No I was not in some great hall full of stock brokers and my phone did not deliver a text about the closing price of the DOW 500.... I was in my room, and the residents on my floor went nuts when my university canceled Tuesday classes. I am not sure if any of them slept at all, Tuesday morning was very quite and peaceful. I woke up early to go take pictures of snow before it was trampled on and got some neat pictures of campus. Those of you with access to my facebook may see them there. For those of you that do not and probably will not ever have access to my pictures on facebook take out a blank sheet of computer paper. Now set it on the floor. Ok, good job! That is what the ground looked like! It was white.
Ok enough of that. My residents spent most the day inside the building playing computer games, watching movies, and playing ping pong. I studied fairly regularly because I do not want to be behind in my classes anytime soon.
Tuesday at about 5 pm it got really loud again. This time I knew it was coming because university employees got an email minutes before students got their text messages. I was downstairs in the 'common room' and people started running around yelling and shouting cheers of joy... problem, if they are THIS excited to miss a day of school, they might be getting in a lot of trouble stuck in the building for two days.
So here is to keeping the peace in the building. For those of you at other colleges enjoy your time off too (if you got any).
Sunday, January 30, 2011
48 Hours of Fun
Well folks, this weekend was my entire on call weekend. I was in the building from 5pm Friday night to 5 pm Sunday night. I had a great time.
Friday:
Not much happened on Friday, I sat at the desk for a large portion of this time helping check out ping pong, pool, and the key to the TV room. After my late nigh rounds I hit the hay.
Saturday:
What a fun day. Nothing really happened. More sitting around waiting for nothing. Helped a bunch of students loft beds during room changes. Had a student inform me of her and her friends adventures on roofs of buildings... which is a level 5 infraction at my program and can make you go pack your bags asap.
Sunday was better than Saturday!
On Sunday I walked to 7-11 to get coffee and made orange rolls in the kitchen! Then lots of studying for school.
Quite a boring weekend overall. Hopefully this week will be more fun.
Friday:
Not much happened on Friday, I sat at the desk for a large portion of this time helping check out ping pong, pool, and the key to the TV room. After my late nigh rounds I hit the hay.
Saturday:
What a fun day. Nothing really happened. More sitting around waiting for nothing. Helped a bunch of students loft beds during room changes. Had a student inform me of her and her friends adventures on roofs of buildings... which is a level 5 infraction at my program and can make you go pack your bags asap.
Sunday was better than Saturday!
On Sunday I walked to 7-11 to get coffee and made orange rolls in the kitchen! Then lots of studying for school.
Quite a boring weekend overall. Hopefully this week will be more fun.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I have no title for this field so I decided to type this instead.
Sorry about the lack of exciting new adventures in the life of Swifty Morgan lately.
I didn't work this last weekend so that means no cool stories from work.
Over the weekend I went home and saw my partner in crime superdog that is holding up the house in the hold neighborhood. Jack Russel Terriers are so excited to see you after being absent for two weeks that when you are just trying to relax the only thing they want you to do is hold them and let them lick you. That gets old after a bit, and a bit slobbery.
On Sunday I went to church with my girlfriend sidekick and did the usual broke college kid lunch for $1.50 at Kroger. Lately they have had boneless wings for 25 cents and they actually are not that bad. Taking this back to the super girlfriend's dorm and eating lunch while watching the office on hulu is a great way to rest on Sunday before another week. I am pretty glad hulu is still free because it has been a tradition now for about 3 years that my sidekick and I don't watch The Office without each other because we enjoy watching it together, and now that we are at separate colleges that is a bit hard to do on a Thursday night. Que the hulu and grab the cheap chicken wings and you have a great date afternoon for three dollars! Lunch and a show! What a bargain.
Sunday night I had to drive back to my university early due to a wing program. My wing got invited by the girl's wing to chili's. After much persuading my guys finally worked up the courage to go. Being an RA I got the privilege of driving one of the school vans full of students. Now if you have ever ridden with me you would know that I am super strict on seat belts. Not only are they required by law but they make you safer, it is just like wearing a helmet when riding a motorcycle. Sure you may look super cool to your buddies by not wearing that awful restraining device but when I roll a van one day who is it that is going to look super cool being ejected from those death trap vans? //end seat belt rant. Anyway, I haven't even met most of the students that I was driving but to introduce myself I said, and I quote, "Howdy, My name is Swifty, I need y'all to buckle up now, because if I get stopped that will be my third strike and that means life behind bars" All I got was wide eyes and some hesitation as students contemplated moving to the other van. I laughed and told them I don't have any felonies and we drove to dinner without incident.
Monday was exciting. The power went out.
Not only did the power go out, it went out when I was in philosophy class, talking about how man survived for thousands of years without science. When the power flickerd the first time the professor joked about how the science gods didn't like us talking about how people lived without science so well. Then the lights went out for good. The odd thing was that the computer must have been on backup because it stayed on just fine and the hall was powered by emergency lighting, so it honestly just looked like my classroom's overhead lights were out. My professor went out in the hall and came back to report that it must have been the science gods because our class room was the only one with no power. Well this didn't sit well with one female student and she panicked. She fled the class room 'acting' very frightened. I don't think she was honestly scared but more just hoping to be the class clown. What a weirdo.
To top it off, the school newspaper today reported that a squirrel had chewed through one of the main lines at the substation north of campus and that the whole northern half of campus was affected. Darn Squirrels! Maybe they were attempting to create a fire-sail like in live free or die hard... But my cell phone still worked, so the joke is on them.
Tuesday was pretty uneventful, I walked to the store to get some notebooks. Oh! But I did work out today! TWICE! That's right, I went on a good run in the morning before class and had such a great time that I went later that night also! Most enjoyable and by 8:30 when I finally ate dinner I had worked up quite a hunger. I still kept to my 'no soda' policy. I have had one soda since moving back 2.5 weeks ago. I sorta just don't like the taste anymore, makes it easy to forget about soda, I would rather eat my calories than drink them.
Have a great week, thanks for reading!
-Swifty
I didn't work this last weekend so that means no cool stories from work.
Over the weekend I went home and saw my partner in crime superdog that is holding up the house in the hold neighborhood. Jack Russel Terriers are so excited to see you after being absent for two weeks that when you are just trying to relax the only thing they want you to do is hold them and let them lick you. That gets old after a bit, and a bit slobbery.
On Sunday I went to church with my girlfriend sidekick and did the usual broke college kid lunch for $1.50 at Kroger. Lately they have had boneless wings for 25 cents and they actually are not that bad. Taking this back to the super girlfriend's dorm and eating lunch while watching the office on hulu is a great way to rest on Sunday before another week. I am pretty glad hulu is still free because it has been a tradition now for about 3 years that my sidekick and I don't watch The Office without each other because we enjoy watching it together, and now that we are at separate colleges that is a bit hard to do on a Thursday night. Que the hulu and grab the cheap chicken wings and you have a great date afternoon for three dollars! Lunch and a show! What a bargain.
Sunday night I had to drive back to my university early due to a wing program. My wing got invited by the girl's wing to chili's. After much persuading my guys finally worked up the courage to go. Being an RA I got the privilege of driving one of the school vans full of students. Now if you have ever ridden with me you would know that I am super strict on seat belts. Not only are they required by law but they make you safer, it is just like wearing a helmet when riding a motorcycle. Sure you may look super cool to your buddies by not wearing that awful restraining device but when I roll a van one day who is it that is going to look super cool being ejected from those death trap vans? //end seat belt rant. Anyway, I haven't even met most of the students that I was driving but to introduce myself I said, and I quote, "Howdy, My name is Swifty, I need y'all to buckle up now, because if I get stopped that will be my third strike and that means life behind bars" All I got was wide eyes and some hesitation as students contemplated moving to the other van. I laughed and told them I don't have any felonies and we drove to dinner without incident.
Monday was exciting. The power went out.
Not only did the power go out, it went out when I was in philosophy class, talking about how man survived for thousands of years without science. When the power flickerd the first time the professor joked about how the science gods didn't like us talking about how people lived without science so well. Then the lights went out for good. The odd thing was that the computer must have been on backup because it stayed on just fine and the hall was powered by emergency lighting, so it honestly just looked like my classroom's overhead lights were out. My professor went out in the hall and came back to report that it must have been the science gods because our class room was the only one with no power. Well this didn't sit well with one female student and she panicked. She fled the class room 'acting' very frightened. I don't think she was honestly scared but more just hoping to be the class clown. What a weirdo.
To top it off, the school newspaper today reported that a squirrel had chewed through one of the main lines at the substation north of campus and that the whole northern half of campus was affected. Darn Squirrels! Maybe they were attempting to create a fire-sail like in live free or die hard... But my cell phone still worked, so the joke is on them.
Tuesday was pretty uneventful, I walked to the store to get some notebooks. Oh! But I did work out today! TWICE! That's right, I went on a good run in the morning before class and had such a great time that I went later that night also! Most enjoyable and by 8:30 when I finally ate dinner I had worked up quite a hunger. I still kept to my 'no soda' policy. I have had one soda since moving back 2.5 weeks ago. I sorta just don't like the taste anymore, makes it easy to forget about soda, I would rather eat my calories than drink them.
Have a great week, thanks for reading!
-Swifty
Friday, January 21, 2011
Once in a Full Moon
My first day on call was an interesting experience to say the least.
You know the kinda person who is crazy enough to come in and tell you their life story and admit that they really are pretty crazy? Yeah I got one of those at the desk.
It started like any other night RAOC (RA on call) shift. 5 pm check in, do the rounds, and wait for exciting stuff to happen. During my rounds I found several security flaws that no one noticed, open exterior doors, missing window tabs, and a fire extinguisher that was gone. All stuff that is a red flag when doing rounds. So I noted it and moved on. Easy enough.
Fun time.
About 5:45 pm, I got a visitor.
A girl walked in and asked for information on a student. I told her that I can't give out information and she asked if I knew a guy that was in Chi Alpha Omega. What a crazy idea, look in MY dorm for someone in a fraternity. Not happening!
Anyway, things just got worse from here. This visitor 'Jane' went on to explain that she was pregnant, just out of jail, multiple restraining orders from the other college in town, and restraining orders from one of her many ex-fiances. Oh, and did I mention she was arrested earlier that day for public intoxication, and displaying a firearm in a bar? Yeah that is a bit of a problem. I asked her if she still had said firearm and she said no and went on to ask if she could use our computer to get on facebook. Do I look like the kind of person to let a fresh out of jail weirdo on a work computer to check her facebook? NO WAY JOSE! I explained that she can't use our work computer, and that she could use the public phone in the lobby. But for a girl who didn't have her life together or even know the name of the guy she wanted to see because she had his kid, I don't know why she would have his phone number, so that was a silly attempt.
At this point we decided we better document who this crazy lady was so I asked to see Jane's drivers license and she said she didn't have one. Hmm, for someone who can't get their act together, why bother getting an ID card.
Ok Jane, Do you have a (My super-cool university) student ID card? You did just tell me you were a student here.
Oh you don't? Whats that you said your ex-fiance took it from you?
Pretty bad taste in guys if you ask me.
At this point I was seriously wondering why she came to my building and not any of the other buildings on campus.
Hold the phone! Jane does offer one piece of ID! Now we're talkin! What is this form of ID she offers? None other that a promise to appear issued when she was released from jail earlier today! I guess that counts as an ID form. So Jack, my Hall Director on call goes into the back room to photocopy this form.
Jane is explaining to me that she is flying with 10 guys to Brazil... tomorrow. To live forever. I guess the promise to appear means very little to her. I asked how she intended to fly to Brazil when her only form of ID appears to be a promise to appear issued by the county. I guess you could get out of the country but certainly it will be hard getting back in. Then she said, and I quote, "Oh, we are not really flying, we are driving!"
WOW, get out of jail one day, drive to Brazil the next. I didn't think a public intoxication charge was a big enough deal to flee the country over.
Good luck driving, it is the rainy season at the Darien Gap right now and not to mention the terrorists and bandits waiting for you.
Anyway, at this point I decided it would be best to escort Jane outside and talk with her there while Jack copied the paper. So while outside we talked about whatever she wanted just to keep her calm. Jane went on to tell me about her successful businesses in nearby large towns. And how she walked almost 40 miles the other day. My favorite part was when she told me that until she got arrested she had gone 60 days without sleeping. I asked her to repeat that and she really did mean to say DAYS not hours. She also said she had not taken her meds in some time. At this point I did not feel comfortable just kicking her out and felt that she might need to talk to campus police. So Jack and I made it happen, he called the police while I was outside talking to her. Campus PD showed up and had a little chat with Jane, put her in the back of the car and continued to talk to her for almost an hour before driving off with her.
Favorite quote from the chat? I got them right here:
officer "Are you a (UNIVERSITY) student?"
Jane "Yes... well... sorta, no. But I will be tomorrow! I am an engineering student!"
Good luck on your trip to Brazil Jane. It also might be time to quit being stupid before you end up dead or worse.
But the fun doesn't stop here. I still am on call for the rest of the night.
While doing my rounds I see a girl moving at a pretty quick pace away from some object she placed on the floor and back into her room where her and her roommate were giggling. She looked out of the door and saw me coming down the hall so she quickly said 'shut the door!' and they both jumped in their room. Of course I don't just let them have all the fun, I went and looked at what was on the ground and it was a cup with a cupcake on top of it. Hmm, that is sure something to get all worked up about. I went and knocked on the door...
Girl " Hi, can I help you?"
Me "Yeah, is anything exciting going to happen to that cup on the ground?"
Girl "No, we were just putting it there because this other girl didn't want it and we want to give it to [so-and-so] but wanted it to be a surprise."
Me "Ok, just don't get so excited about it, it is 11:20 pm"
I don't think the girl ever found the cupcake, oh well.
I also talked to some other residents because they were really concerned as to which student from that hall got arrested. The rumor was that one of the hall students was arrested and the hall director was really really mad.
Rumors are funny.
First shift as RAOC complete. I have a full weekend of this fun coming up in a few weeks!
You know the kinda person who is crazy enough to come in and tell you their life story and admit that they really are pretty crazy? Yeah I got one of those at the desk.
It started like any other night RAOC (RA on call) shift. 5 pm check in, do the rounds, and wait for exciting stuff to happen. During my rounds I found several security flaws that no one noticed, open exterior doors, missing window tabs, and a fire extinguisher that was gone. All stuff that is a red flag when doing rounds. So I noted it and moved on. Easy enough.
Fun time.
About 5:45 pm, I got a visitor.
A girl walked in and asked for information on a student. I told her that I can't give out information and she asked if I knew a guy that was in Chi Alpha Omega. What a crazy idea, look in MY dorm for someone in a fraternity. Not happening!
Anyway, things just got worse from here. This visitor 'Jane' went on to explain that she was pregnant, just out of jail, multiple restraining orders from the other college in town, and restraining orders from one of her many ex-fiances. Oh, and did I mention she was arrested earlier that day for public intoxication, and displaying a firearm in a bar? Yeah that is a bit of a problem. I asked her if she still had said firearm and she said no and went on to ask if she could use our computer to get on facebook. Do I look like the kind of person to let a fresh out of jail weirdo on a work computer to check her facebook? NO WAY JOSE! I explained that she can't use our work computer, and that she could use the public phone in the lobby. But for a girl who didn't have her life together or even know the name of the guy she wanted to see because she had his kid, I don't know why she would have his phone number, so that was a silly attempt.
At this point we decided we better document who this crazy lady was so I asked to see Jane's drivers license and she said she didn't have one. Hmm, for someone who can't get their act together, why bother getting an ID card.
Ok Jane, Do you have a (My super-cool university) student ID card? You did just tell me you were a student here.
Oh you don't? Whats that you said your ex-fiance took it from you?
Pretty bad taste in guys if you ask me.
At this point I was seriously wondering why she came to my building and not any of the other buildings on campus.
Hold the phone! Jane does offer one piece of ID! Now we're talkin! What is this form of ID she offers? None other that a promise to appear issued when she was released from jail earlier today! I guess that counts as an ID form. So Jack, my Hall Director on call goes into the back room to photocopy this form.
Jane is explaining to me that she is flying with 10 guys to Brazil... tomorrow. To live forever. I guess the promise to appear means very little to her. I asked how she intended to fly to Brazil when her only form of ID appears to be a promise to appear issued by the county. I guess you could get out of the country but certainly it will be hard getting back in. Then she said, and I quote, "Oh, we are not really flying, we are driving!"
WOW, get out of jail one day, drive to Brazil the next. I didn't think a public intoxication charge was a big enough deal to flee the country over.
Good luck driving, it is the rainy season at the Darien Gap right now and not to mention the terrorists and bandits waiting for you.
Anyway, at this point I decided it would be best to escort Jane outside and talk with her there while Jack copied the paper. So while outside we talked about whatever she wanted just to keep her calm. Jane went on to tell me about her successful businesses in nearby large towns. And how she walked almost 40 miles the other day. My favorite part was when she told me that until she got arrested she had gone 60 days without sleeping. I asked her to repeat that and she really did mean to say DAYS not hours. She also said she had not taken her meds in some time. At this point I did not feel comfortable just kicking her out and felt that she might need to talk to campus police. So Jack and I made it happen, he called the police while I was outside talking to her. Campus PD showed up and had a little chat with Jane, put her in the back of the car and continued to talk to her for almost an hour before driving off with her.
Favorite quote from the chat? I got them right here:
officer "Are you a (UNIVERSITY) student?"
Jane "Yes... well... sorta, no. But I will be tomorrow! I am an engineering student!"
Good luck on your trip to Brazil Jane. It also might be time to quit being stupid before you end up dead or worse.
But the fun doesn't stop here. I still am on call for the rest of the night.
While doing my rounds I see a girl moving at a pretty quick pace away from some object she placed on the floor and back into her room where her and her roommate were giggling. She looked out of the door and saw me coming down the hall so she quickly said 'shut the door!' and they both jumped in their room. Of course I don't just let them have all the fun, I went and looked at what was on the ground and it was a cup with a cupcake on top of it. Hmm, that is sure something to get all worked up about. I went and knocked on the door...
Girl " Hi, can I help you?"
Me "Yeah, is anything exciting going to happen to that cup on the ground?"
Girl "No, we were just putting it there because this other girl didn't want it and we want to give it to [so-and-so] but wanted it to be a surprise."
Me "Ok, just don't get so excited about it, it is 11:20 pm"
I don't think the girl ever found the cupcake, oh well.
I also talked to some other residents because they were really concerned as to which student from that hall got arrested. The rumor was that one of the hall students was arrested and the hall director was really really mad.
Rumors are funny.
First shift as RAOC complete. I have a full weekend of this fun coming up in a few weeks!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Failure is an option, repair is the consequence.
Day 2 of being an RA.
Sometimes things happen that are beyond your control. Mechanical failure.
I had two mechanical failures fixed on my wing today.
First off I had my overhead light's ballast changed. When it was cold the light would constantly flicker.
This is a really cool feature if you want to run a disco in the dorms on the cheap, but not so cool for reading or other normal behavior.
The maintenance man was really nice to me. Apparently when they change the ballast they leave presents for the occupants of the room.
I got a clear plastic wrapper, install instructions for the new GE ballast, and an open package of 150 wire nuts. And the maintenance man must be into some sort of Feng shui because he moved my desk and chair.
The other awesome mechanical failure today was when two residents were locked inside their room. The door handle failed and was unable to turn to let them out. Luckily they had a connecting bath and were able to go into the neighbors room to leave.
The old door handle was off faster than a greyhound at the race track because another maintenance man was already in the hall and got it fixed asap.
On a side note in the gym today there were lots of sorority members 'getting ready for spring break'.
Most of them have a LONG way to go. Good luck.
-Swifty
Sometimes things happen that are beyond your control. Mechanical failure.
I had two mechanical failures fixed on my wing today.
First off I had my overhead light's ballast changed. When it was cold the light would constantly flicker.
This is a really cool feature if you want to run a disco in the dorms on the cheap, but not so cool for reading or other normal behavior.
The maintenance man was really nice to me. Apparently when they change the ballast they leave presents for the occupants of the room.
I got a clear plastic wrapper, install instructions for the new GE ballast, and an open package of 150 wire nuts. And the maintenance man must be into some sort of Feng shui because he moved my desk and chair.
The other awesome mechanical failure today was when two residents were locked inside their room. The door handle failed and was unable to turn to let them out. Luckily they had a connecting bath and were able to go into the neighbors room to leave.
The old door handle was off faster than a greyhound at the race track because another maintenance man was already in the hall and got it fixed asap.
On a side note in the gym today there were lots of sorority members 'getting ready for spring break'.
Most of them have a LONG way to go. Good luck.
-Swifty
Monday, January 17, 2011
Welcome to the world of Swifty Morgan.
I AM Swifty Morgan, Twenty years experience at the game of life, currently enrolled in college.
This is my world.
I recently got a new job. I am an RA for a dorm that shall remain nameless at a university that shall remain nameless.
This past week has been training from 8:00a to 8:00p or later each day. Lots of policies and emergency procedures to remember.
I am really good at tornado and fire alarms.
One of the highlights of my training was the suicide awareness simulation.
In this simulation an RA was asked to be an actor and another RA was asked to be the RAOC (Resident Assistant On Call).
The RAOC is doing rounds and hears someone crying, naturally she opens the door and finds (we will call her) Jane, sitting alone, obviously upset.
Eventually RAOC finds out that Jane's boyfriend had broken up with her. After just completing suicide awareness training RAOC decides to assess Jane for signs of suicde.
When it comes to ending your life the RAOC doesn't beat around the bush, RAOC asks "[JANE], have you thought about ending it all?" The question is only part of why it was funny.
The question was asked like a salesman. "Why sir, have you considered the new Ford Focus?" Almost a suggestive, why don't you try this, type of question.
Anyway, suicide is no joke, lots of paperwork.
Welcome again to the life of Swifty Morgan.
As I go further in my job I will have PLENTY of other stories of unnamed students (and RA's) doing crazy things.
-Swifty Morgan
I AM Swifty Morgan, Twenty years experience at the game of life, currently enrolled in college.
This is my world.
I recently got a new job. I am an RA for a dorm that shall remain nameless at a university that shall remain nameless.
This past week has been training from 8:00a to 8:00p or later each day. Lots of policies and emergency procedures to remember.
I am really good at tornado and fire alarms.
One of the highlights of my training was the suicide awareness simulation.
In this simulation an RA was asked to be an actor and another RA was asked to be the RAOC (Resident Assistant On Call).
The RAOC is doing rounds and hears someone crying, naturally she opens the door and finds (we will call her) Jane, sitting alone, obviously upset.
Eventually RAOC finds out that Jane's boyfriend had broken up with her. After just completing suicide awareness training RAOC decides to assess Jane for signs of suicde.
When it comes to ending your life the RAOC doesn't beat around the bush, RAOC asks "[JANE], have you thought about ending it all?" The question is only part of why it was funny.
The question was asked like a salesman. "Why sir, have you considered the new Ford Focus?" Almost a suggestive, why don't you try this, type of question.
Anyway, suicide is no joke, lots of paperwork.
Welcome again to the life of Swifty Morgan.
As I go further in my job I will have PLENTY of other stories of unnamed students (and RA's) doing crazy things.
-Swifty Morgan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)