Last night my dorm had a foam party. If you don't know what a foam party is basically it is a dance but the whole area is supposed to be filled with soap suds. Soap suds like over your head. Naturally a dance in which everyone is in a swimsuit and is under soap suds needs chaperones. That is where Mr. Swifty Morgan comes in.
In the end it wasn't actually our residents that needed chaperoning as much as I had to keep the regular university students from entering our foam pit. My dorm is full of minors (under 18) and isn't necessarily the place you want to let a bunch of older college guys come party.
Throughout the night I had to ask about ten people to leave and only had to forcefully demand a departure from three of them.
The first guy came walking into the area from somewhere near the rec center and I had never seen him before. Not a big deal at first because with 300+ students there are quite a few that I haven't seen still. Anyway, I approach Mr.... we will call him Mr. Turban. Because yes... he was wearing some sort of odd headgear looking like a turban. (Another clue he wasn't one of our sheep) So I ask Mr. Turban "Hey are you a *My Department* student?
Mr. T : Yes I am.
Me: ok then.
I walked over to a PA and asked her if she had ever seen that student before. The obvious answer was NOPE!
So I walk back to Mr. T who is acting kinda weird and is all by himself.
Me "Hey, Who is your RA?"
Mr. T "What is an RA?"
Me "You're not a ****** student are you?"
Mr. T "Yes I am, I go to UNIVERSITY"
Me: What hall do you live in?
Mr. T "HALL NAME hall"
Me: ok, then you are not a ******** student because those students only live here in $$$$$$$$ hall.
Me again after Mr. T gives me dumb stare: "Do not tell me you are a ******* student when you don't even know what that is. You need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "I was confused I didn't know what was going on"
Me "Ok, well here is some advice, when people ask you a question and you do not understand the question do not lie to them. Now you need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "Well I didn't know who you are. Why do you get to tell me to leave?"
Me: "I am Swifty Morgan, I am an employee of ******* and am instructing you to leave the area right now and if you do not do so instantly UNIVERSITY POLICE will be more than happy to give you a ride out of here"
Mr. T then tried to say something that I did not understand because I pointed to the street and wished him a good evening.
The next folks that decided they were too good to be told to leave were these fellers:
For the sake of this blog let's call them tweedle dee and tweedle dum.
I saw that a PA was having a big long conversation with two guys sitting on a bench right outside the foam party and decided that maybe a bit more force would be needed to instruct some college students that it was in their best interest to leave.
Me: Hey guys, whats going on? Can I help you?
Dee: Yeah man, we are just sitting on this bench watching.
Me: Ok, you can't actually be here tonight, the park is closed.
Dee: Hey! I am a F$#*%(# UNIVERSITY STUDENT!!!
^ Yup, he said it. The mother of all dirty words! Time to wash that mouth out with soap mister!
Me: Ok cool. Is that important right now?
Dee: YEAH! I can sit in this park if I want! It is a public place!
Me: Actually you are wrong. This evening this park was reserved exclusively for the use of *My Department* and therefore it is no longer a public place, any other night you may reserve it though the university since you are obviously a student.
Dee: "Well we just wanted to watch!"
Me: Ok, you can't be here.
Dee: "What about the parking lot, did you reserve that too?" <-- Sarcastically
Me: Nope! (And with a great smile on my face as this is one line I have been waiting to use for many years at it was once used by Swifty Morgan's father) You see that curb? That is where the free world starts. (I bet he thought I was a jerk for smiling so big as I said that)
Dee: Ok fine!
So they marched off and as they were walking decided to kick one of our cinder blocks we were using. Super cool guys, hope your toes are ok, I know the cinder block is.
We still decided to call the police and when they saw us on the phone they took off pretty quick. I have no clue what became of them but am sure that some day my tax dollars will be supporting them somehow. I love America....
The wolves were successfully removed from the pen of sheep all night!
The only other issue I had was with my sheep...
At *My Department* we have a 'No PDA' policy, and a pretty strict one at that.
Now during dances we usually let the distance between bodies pretty much go to zero... except the mouths... that is one that we still enforce. So because I was RAOC and the chaperone I got the fun of using an air horn to let a few kissing couples know that it was not appreciated. It kinda kills the mood when you are pretty heavily kissing and an air horn goes off between you. Normally this would be a bid infraction with our points system, but the air horn embarrassment was enough tonight. EVERYONE noticed and got a good laugh at the surprise.
All in all it was a BUSY night but a fun one and hopefully the seniors had fun as this event was for them.
Congrats *My Department* Seniors 2011
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