Keeping the wolves away from the sheep.

Last night my dorm had a foam party. If you don't know what a foam party is basically it is a dance but the whole area is supposed to be filled with soap suds. Soap suds like over your head. Naturally a dance in which everyone is in a swimsuit and is under soap suds needs chaperones. That is where Mr. Swifty Morgan comes in.

In the end it wasn't actually our residents that needed chaperoning as much as I had to keep the regular university students from entering our foam pit. My dorm is full of minors (under 18) and isn't necessarily the place you want to let a bunch of older college guys come party.

Throughout the night I had to ask about ten people to leave and only had to forcefully demand a departure from three of them.

The first guy came walking into the area from somewhere near the rec center and I had never seen him before. Not a big deal at first because with 300+ students there are quite a few that I haven't seen still. Anyway, I approach Mr.... we will call him Mr. Turban. Because yes... he was wearing some sort of odd headgear looking like a turban. (Another clue he wasn't one of our sheep) So I ask Mr. Turban "Hey are you a *My Department* student?

Mr. T : Yes I am.
Me: ok then.

I walked over to a PA and asked her if she had ever seen that student before. The obvious answer was NOPE!

So I walk back to Mr. T who is acting kinda weird and is all by himself.

Me "Hey, Who is your RA?"
Mr. T "What is an RA?"
Me "You're not a ****** student are you?"
Mr. T "Yes I am, I go to UNIVERSITY"
Me: What hall do you live in?
Mr. T "HALL NAME hall"
Me: ok, then you are not a ******** student because those students only live here in $$$$$$$$ hall.
Me again after Mr. T gives me dumb stare: "Do not tell me you are a ******* student when you don't even know what that is. You need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "I was confused I didn't know what was going on"
Me "Ok, well here is some advice, when people ask you a question and you do not understand the question do not lie to them. Now you need to leave right now"
Mr. T: "Well I didn't know who you are. Why do you get to tell me to leave?"
Me: "I am Swifty Morgan, I am an employee of ******* and am instructing you to leave the area right now and if you do not do so instantly UNIVERSITY POLICE will be more than happy to give you a ride out of here"
Mr. T then tried to say something that I did not understand because I pointed to the street and wished him a good evening.

The next folks that decided they were too good to be told to leave were these fellers:
For the sake of this blog let's call them tweedle dee and tweedle dum.
I saw that a PA was having a big long conversation with two guys sitting on a bench right outside the foam party and decided that maybe a bit more force would be needed to instruct some college students that it was in their best interest to leave.

Me: Hey guys, whats going on? Can I help you?
Dee: Yeah man, we are just sitting on this bench watching.
Me: Ok, you can't actually be here tonight, the park is closed.
Dee: Hey! I am a F$#*%(# UNIVERSITY STUDENT!!!
^ Yup, he said it. The mother of all dirty words! Time to wash that mouth out with soap mister!
Me: Ok cool. Is that important right now?
Dee: YEAH! I can sit in this park if I want! It is a public place!
Me: Actually you are wrong. This evening this park was reserved exclusively for the use of *My Department* and therefore it is no longer a public place, any other night you may reserve it though the university since you are obviously a student.
Dee: "Well we just wanted to watch!"
Me: Ok, you can't be here.
Dee: "What about the parking lot, did you reserve that too?" <-- Sarcastically
Me: Nope! (And with a great smile on my face as this is one line I have been waiting to use for many years at it was once used by Swifty Morgan's father) You see that curb? That is where the free world starts. (I bet he thought I was a jerk for smiling so big as I said that)
Dee: Ok fine!

So they marched off and as they were walking decided to kick one of our cinder blocks we were using. Super cool guys, hope your toes are ok, I know the cinder block is.

We still decided to call the police and when they saw us on the phone they took off pretty quick. I have no clue what became of them but am sure that some day my tax dollars will be supporting them somehow. I love America....


The wolves were successfully removed from the pen of sheep all night!

The only other issue I had was with my sheep...
At *My Department* we have a 'No PDA' policy, and a pretty strict one at that.
Now during dances we usually let the distance between bodies pretty much go to zero... except the mouths... that is one that we still enforce. So because I was RAOC and the chaperone I got the fun of using an air horn to let a few kissing couples know that it was not appreciated. It kinda kills the mood when you are pretty heavily kissing and an air horn goes off between you. Normally this would be a bid infraction with our points system, but the air horn embarrassment was enough tonight. EVERYONE noticed and got a good laugh at the surprise.

All in all it was a BUSY night but a fun one and hopefully the seniors had fun as this event was for them.

Congrats *My Department* Seniors 2011

Bugs are scary!

So this is an incident I ran into about a week ago and decided it was worth telling:

The day is Thursday, the time is 11:30pm, well into our quiet hours.
Lately in my hall I have had a lot of noise late at night with several doors being slammed. So I warned my residents at Wednesday wing meeting that I would be cracking down on noise and doors as people are starting to study more for exams coming up in a few weeks.

Anyway at 11:30 one night I am sitting in my dorm minding my own business when I just hear screaming and yelling. This isn't the type of screaming and yelling when there is an emergency, this is screaming and yelling from fear! I throw on my shoes and bolt down the hall to figure out what the problem is.

I bang on the door and am told to come inside. What I find surprised even me. I found four boys in the room. Two of them on a bed, one of them in the corner and another by the door. They were all screaming! Why? A bug.

Me: Do you know what time it is? Why are you screaming?

Resident: Swifty Morgan look at that bug!!!!

Me: *looks at bug then back at residents* ok cool, why are you screaming?

Resident: That thing was flying around, we don't know what it is, and we think it may reproduce asexually.

I KID YOU NOT! My resident told me he thought the bug could reproduce asexually. I had to work so hard not to laugh.

Me: Ok cool. ID's please. You are all getting documented for noise violations at 11:30 pm.

Resident: But Swifty, did you see the bug?!?!?

Me: Yes, I did. Now I want to see the ID's.

I documented four residents for screaming at 11:30.
Am I mean? Maybe.
Did they earn that doc? Yes
Am I sorry? No. Screaming is stupid.

So I documented them and some of them may lose points if they have two other documentations for the same violation within the past thirty days. (I know some of them are getting close because I have documented them recently).

I returned their ID's and asked where the bug went and they told me it had gone under the bed.
I wished them a good night and advised them to take out their pizza boxes more often. (There were several of them under the bed, and this is the same room that the pizza box adventure was about earlier this semester)

Was the bug big? YES, it was about four inches long, and was flying around the room and landed on a wall when I walked in.

How are these guys ever going to get a girlfriend if they scream like girls when a bug moves about the room. Time for some maturity and a big shoe.

Birthday Part 2

Today was Easter!
It was wonderful! The day started with a trip about 45 minutes from COLLEGE to CITY CHRISTIAN CHURCH. The super amazing girlfriend and I have been going to this church since August when school started. I love the church and feel very welcome. Anyway, we had a early service at 8:30 and then a breakfast. Went to Sunday School to get an education on Romans 5 and 6 at 9:30 and at 10:30 we went to the normal service.

Overall very wonderful church service.

I then took the super amazing girlfriend back to our hometown and we met with her family and cousins and aunts and uncles. It was great, I love meeting with all of them. They are all so fun to talk to. I talked cars and guns with the girlfriends grandfather and although Swifty Morgan is only twenty one they still enjoy talking to the 'younger' generation.

Even at twenty one I went Easter Egg hunting with all of the cousins. I believe there were nine of us total and according to the girlfriend I held my own fairly well in the competitive world of DOE family Easter egg hunts.

After this we went back to my house and met my parents for dessert. My parents had a present for me and one from my grandparents. I got a good fishing rod, with an excellent reel and lots of lures, bait, and other tackle. I cannot wait to go fishing now. I really enjoy fishing and want to go more often. Maybe land me a big bass and mount it on the wall or something.
Thank you Mom, Dad and Grandma and Grandpa for the fishing stuff. I CAN'T WAIT to use it!

Later in the evening the weather changed very quickly. Suddenly there was lots of lightning and thunder and the tornado alarms were being sound for my hometown and the town south of us. I took the super amazing girlfriend home so that her parents could take her back to her UNIVERSITY and I would head back to my COLLEGE. Loaded everything up and hit the road in my trusty old Ford Crown Victoria.
I have never driven though a fire hose before but I can imagine it feels somewhat like the storm I drove through today. The surprising part? I was so relaxed during this drive. The classic rock station was playing a block of The Eagles and that was what helped make it relaxing. Tequila sunrise is a great song to listen to on a long drive in a thunderstorm. Several traffic lights were out of commission and flashing red in all directions. The storm really did some pretty real damage. And it isn't over yet, as I type this I can still hear thunder and see some lightning. I love it. Storms are my favorite.

All in all today I can reflect on one thing. Having people around you that love you is one of the biggest blessings in the world. Today the super amazing girlfriend's mother made me a cake. Chocolate and coconut, she makes this cake every year and I love it. Does she have to make it? Absolutely not, I am not her kid. I have been dating her daughter 3 and a 1/2 years and this is my fourth birthday with her. I know people care when they make you a cake for your birthday every year. I have had so much cake this weekend it is going to kill me but it has been great. And all of the cousins and family sung happy birthday to me today. I am one who typically shies away from any sort of recognition. I honestly prefer to not be recognized for anything. I never tell people when my birthday is until afterwards because I don't want them to know. I don't want people to do anything for me. But people care too much to just ignore my birthday.
Even yesterday my grandparents called as I was leaving dinner and wished me a happy birthday, and I have gotten so many wall posts on facebook. Many from people I never even talk to anymore. Just goes to show you the power of people in my life.

Well now it is time for Swifty Morgan to enter RA mode and do room checks.

Adios!

Another day Another year

Well folks, Swifty Morgan has turned twenty-one.

That is one more that twenty, one less than twenty-two. And you all know what turning twenty-one means.......


Thats RIGHT!.....



Going to thrift shops, hanging bulletin boards at work, eating ice cream on the steps of the courthouse in torrential rains, attempting to light a candle on your own birthday cake and singing happy birthday as fast as you can because it is so windy?

Yeah, welcome to the wonderful life of Mr. Morgan.

The day started like many other days. I awoke. Simple enough right? Actually my birthday started before I woke up. I stayed up too late watching king of the hill on netflix.

So 7 am I woke up bright and early. Can't waste today right?
Nope, I couldn't wait to wake up so I could roll over and go back to sleep. Today is a big day.

At 9 am my super amazing girlfriend arrived to bring me breakfast because I was stuck in the building until 5 pm for work. McDonalds is a pretty good birthday breakfast.

We sat around and watched TV while eating and then later I had to drive a group of students to a destination about one hour away full of amusement and containing several flying cloths attached to poles... approximately six of them.

When I got back it was one o'clock and we walked over to Chicken Express for lunch. YUM.

After chicken express I found out that neither I nor the super amazing girlfriend are very good at ping pong. I might venture to say that I am slightly better but because I know she is reading this I will go ahead and tell the world she could whip me any day at ping pong. Happy dear?

Enough fun and games, time to do work. I had to hang a bulletin board in the hall so the girl and I went and did that and counted down the last 15 min until 5 o'clock. 5 o'clock in this case is similar to the word freedom. I could finally leave the hall.

The super amazing girlfriend was going to take me to see the movie True Grit, something I was looking forward to a LOT. But the theater had an error on the website and there was no westerns on the screen tonight. :(

So instead we went to a junk shop. That is the non-polite way of saying we went to Downtown mini-mall. This mall is full of junk. Old coke bottles, random old documents, several military surplus items, lots of made in china knives. Remember if the knife says made in china, you treat it like your china at home. FRAGILE!

After the mini mall we went to a used book/record store which was pretty neat. Then we went to go get dinner. I love me some BBQ. And only in UNKNOWN STATE can you find people eating BBQ and smoking right next to their friend who is on oxygen. People are crazy.

The next part of my night gets a little wet. The super amazing girlfriend took me to a wonderful ice cream place on the square. Yes my town is cooler than yours and actually has a square. Anyway we got our ice cream and the lightning was very intense and it started to rain so we ran and sat on the steps to the courthouse. It was very fun. The only thing missing was a Delorean and a crazy looking man trying to attach it to some wires before lightning struck the clock tower. I don't know why I thought that but my town's square looks very similar to the square from back to the future.

After ice cream we went to kroger to buy a cake. I got a slice of cake for two dollars and split it with my super amazing girlfriend. Tried to do the whole candle thing but that didn't work out so well. It is really windy. She still sang and we ate cake and watched a movie. Wonderful day!

Time to go to bed. 7 hours until the early Easter service. :)

Swifty Morgan beats a pizza box!

Swifty Morgan solves problems.

Today at my weekly wing meeting I noticed three pizza boxes in the recycle bin...
Pizza boxes cannot be recycled at UNIVERSITY.

This has been an ongoing issue this semester. And Domino's does not put the names of the purchaser on the box.

The pizza boxes were placed in the recycle bin because tonight is the final night of room cleanliness inspections. (Because cleanliness is next to Godliness and if the state says we cannot solely recognize God as an institution we can hit up the next best thing right?) If they have pizza box trash in their room, they get documented, and they gain points, 100 points and its game over.

What is Swifty Morgan to do?
I honestly had a SLIGHT idea about who put the pizza boxes in the bin, but only just slightly. However, the students don't know that.

So at wing meeting I made the following announcement:
"To the young man who put the pizza boxes in the recycle bin. I know exactly who you are. If the pizza boxes are still in the recycle bin by the time I get to your room WILL fail inspections, and you WILL be docked points for failure to comply with directions. You will also be singled out in front of your peers as the person who continues to place pizza boxes in the recycle bin after being told not to. You have until I make it to your room to remove them."

That was an ultimatum! Swifty Morgan stood looking at those pizza boxes and didn't back down! Now my recycle guy is happy and the guy who I thought put them in there did the right thing.
Did he do it out of fear? hopefully. Should it have come to that? No. He needed to do it because laziness is bad. And placing pizza boxes in the recycle instead of taking them outside is lazy.

What will Swifty Morgan and his sword of justice battle tomorrow?
World Hunger. Anyone who is hungry can gladly use my meal plan. The cafeteria food is horrible, you can have it all.